Just Thinking

Blog coming soon, so please stay tuned...

Kristi and I were having a conversation the other evening about a conversation that she had with a woman at work regarding the movie by Mel Gibson, the Passion of the Christ. This woman was very upset about the portayal of Christ in the film because all she saw was suffering. She kept saying, "What's the purpose? People still suffer today."

I was thinking about this today as I was reading through 1 Peter, and I didn't find a whole lot of answers as to why suffering still happens today. In fact, I don't think that when Peter wrote his letter that he wanted to explain specifically why people suffer. It seems that his purpose was to encourage them that they are not alone. They suffer as Christ suffered, and they should have hope because just as Christ was glorified after his suffering, so they too will be when salvation comes in its completion.

so, I'm not completely sure why many suffer today, but I do know that Jesus has not left us alone in our suffering. We can be encouraged that Jesus suffered as we suffer. We can also be encouraged that our brothers and sisters around the world endure suffering as well. So, I don't think we should try to explain why we suffer. We can't. It is a mystery. However, there is peace in knowing that we are not alone.

Whatever it is that you are suffering through, I want you to know that I suffer as well. I get discouraged, afraid, confused, and weary. I want you to know the same thing that Peter wanted his readers to know: Suffering is part of the refining process of our faith (1 Peter 1:7). In the midst of our suffering, we must purpose to have the same humble mind as Christ (1 Peter 4:1ff). Let's continue to cast all of our concerns on the God who cares for us, knowing that in His time He will exalt us, just as He did with Christ (1 Peter 5:6, 7). Finally, let's continually remind ourselves that the God of all grace, who called us for His purpose and His glory will restore us, make us strong, firm, and steadfast. (1 Peter 5:10). For His is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever. AMEN!

It amazes me how much we do for God on accident. We go to the grocery store, and it just so happens that even though we were only going for some bread, we wind up discussing spiritual matters with someone in the parking lot. Or, we go walk the dog because she won't shut up, and the neighbor asks about church. None of these things are ever planned. We just sort of trip over them.

Tonight at FUEL we were looking at John 4 where Jesus meets the Samaritan woman at the well. Upon first look it looks like Jesus was thirsty, so he went to get a drink of water from the well. However, Mike, reminded me tonight that Jesus went there on purpose. He went there purposefully to meet the woman at the well, knowing that He would have the opportunity to share His message with her. She, however, was only going to get a drink.

This reminded me of how strategic Jesus was about his mission from God. Nothing he did was done accidentally. Then, I began to think about how so often in my life I had thought differently. I would walk into church and wonder sometimes, "where is everyone...why aren't they here. This is something they really need!" When all along they were all at the wells, going along with there normal, everyday life. Then, it hit me! I must go meet the people at the wells. I must go there for the intent purpose of fulfilling God's mission for my life..."make disciples." I must go to the grocery store because that is where the "well" dwellers hang out. I must go take my dog for a walk when all of the other "well" dwellers take their dogs for walks. I must make a consistent effort to go meet people at their wells, so that I can give them a drink of something that will cure their thirst forever. I must go, and go on purpose.

You've probably heard the expression, "I've got a little junk in the trunk." Well, I'm starting a new one: "I've got vomit in the backseat." The problem with this expression though is that it is true.

A couple of weeks ago while I was driving Gracelyn home from school, she wasn't feeling well, and she said, "Daddy, I think I need to frowup (throw up...sometimes she has trouble with "th")." So, I with all of the fatherly wisdom I have learned over the years, said, "You'll be ok. Just take a drink of water." Since I am her father and she trusts me, she did just that. Then the frow was up. I heard it and smelled it simutaneously. Gracelyn had vomited all over the back floorboard, herself, and her car seat. Because we were in the middle of the road, there was no where to stop, so by the time we got home it had soaked into the carpet, her car seat, and her clothes. So, I gingerly lifted her up without touching her to my body, as I usually carry her because I didn't want vomit on me. (I know you're thinking, "what a horribly vain man." well...yes I am). So, I carried her in the house to give her a bath and clean her up, all the while vomit was drying in my back seat. Finally when my wife got home, I went out to my truck and began to clean the vomit up...man, was the odor stout! It almost burned my nose to inhale it (but I didn't inhale...I promise). Now, let me make something clear: cleaning it up just meant wiping up the vomit with a towel and spraying some Febreeze in my back seat area to attempt to cover up the odor. It didn't work. So, for the past few days, up until today, I had been driving in a truck surrounded by the odor of old vomit...you know the odor never really changes.

However, things changed today. I put an air freshener on my rear view mirror, and the odor was covered. So, on my way home today, I was reminded that just because the odor was gone, the vomit really was still there because it hadn't properly been cleaned. Then, it hit me. I often to the same thing with sin!!!

I do the best I can to cover it up with sweet smelling Christian jargon, while not really dealing with the sin...allowing God to clean it completely. As I thought about this it reminded me of David and how he did the same thing. He had committed adultery with Bathsheba and attempted to cover it up. However, he came to the point where he had to allow himself to be confronted with the presence of his vomit; thus, he wrote Ps. 51.

PS 51:1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

PS 51:2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

PS 51:3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

You see, our sin is always before us, as long as we cover it up with sweet smelling words. At some point we all must go before God and ask Him to clean us. He is the only one who can clean up the vomit that we cover up.

May you all experience the cleansing of God today!

Shadow is a good dog. Her hair is black like coal and her nose as cold as the bathtub on a winter morning. Her legs don't move as quickly as they once did and there is a little more grey around her face than when her body was smaller. But I guess with more grey comes more wisdom.

Tonight as I sat down at my computer and had an opportunity to think about all that has transpired this week, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to feel. Part of me wants to weep, but I'm not sure if I can find the tears. Part of me wants to scream, but I don't want to wake anyone up. Part of me wants to run, but my legs are too tired.

Then along comes shadow. When I didn't know what to feel or do, Shadow came and sat at my feet and accepted my hand upon her head. In all of my searching for feeling or doing, I found wisdom in an old black dog. You see, when I am not sure how to feel or what to do, I rest at the feet of my master and accept His hand upon my head. It is then and only then that I am comforted and can go and rest.

Maybe as more grey comes upon my head, I can learn wisdom from an old black dog and receive my master's hand.

Yea, that's the spot.

I write tonight because my heart is heavy. The past couple of days a brother and sister in our Father have become ensnared and dragged away by their own evil desires. My heart aches not only for their misteps, but for the pain that they have experienced prior to this and since. I cannot go into greater detail, but please pray for them. I am afraid that they will compound several poor choices with another.

Also, my heart is heavy for another co-laborer in the Lord who emailed me tonight, telling me of the attacks from the enemy that he has received lately. Please pray for him. He is a wonderful servant of the Lord Jesus. Pray that the Lord would replenish, sustain, and comfort him with the Holy Spirit, so that he may continue to serve the Lord with boldness.

Thank you for your prayers!

Lately, the Lord has been teaching me much about giving versus taking. He has reminded me that it is not the “church” that has become consumerized (interested in taking/getting). It is me. I am a consumer, but I like to blame the church because if I blame someone or something else, I come out clean. Therefore, I would like to take an interesting look at a parable that Jesus told. Although the parable’s purpose does not deal with consumerism, there are elements, characteristics of my consumer attitude that are there that I had never noticed until recently. This parable is the one about the compassionate father (some have called it “the two sons” and others “the prodigal son”). As I was thinking about this parable a while back, I found myself identifying with the prodigal son in ways that I had never before.

Luke 15:11-20

The Attitude of the Consumer: “Give me”

12 The younger one said to his father, `Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
LK 15:13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

The younger son was only interested in receiving. He wanted what was rightfully his, his inheritance from his father. He wanted to live the way he wanted, “wild living.” And he wanted people to feed him. However, after he had squandered what he had been given, he was left empty and hungry.

As I look back on my life, this is what I see many times. I want God to give me what I want. I want a church where I can get fed. I want to live the way I want to live. And when no one is willing to give to me any more, I am left empty and hungry. In other words, my life in this stage focuses primarily on what I can receive. When I have lived my life only seeking what I can get, I wind up in the same place as the younger son…hungry.

The Attitude of the Servant: “Use me.”

LK 15:17 "When he came to his senses, he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got up and went to his father.

Notice here the change in the son’s attitude. When he came to his senses, he decides to reconcile himself to his father. One of the ways he is going to do this is by making himself available to be used by his father (“make me like one of your hired men”). When the son left with his inheritance, he was essentially telling himself how worthy he was to get/to receive. However, this time, his attitude changes. His primary focus isn’t to receive from his father. He wants to give…He wants to be used. He is saying to his father, “Use me.”

My attitude, too, must change. I must stop telling God all of the things that He needs to give me. I must stop expecting churches to meet my needs, feed me. However, I must say to God, like Isaiah, “Here I am send me”…Use me…I must say to the church, my wife, my friends, strangers, “let me love you like Christ did and give myself up for you”…Use me.

Wisdom in the Grocery Store
After thinking about this parable, the Lord gave me the picture of a grocery store as an illustration of the attitude that He wants me to have.

When a consumer goes into the grocery store to buy a loaf of bread, he/she buys the loaf that he/she desires to use. You see, I have always seen myself as this consumer; however, I am the loaf of bread. I am the tool that God desires to use to help accomplish the purposes of His Kingdom here on earth. He is the consumer…the user. He desires me to be consumed for His desires.

Therefore, like the prodigal son, I must return to my Father with a changed heart, ready to be used by Him as His servant.

Here I am, Lord, your loaf of bread. What kind of sandwich would you like?

Last Sunday, Berry, Mark, Justin, and I went and sat under the teaching of Brennan Manning. He said many things that took residence in my heart, but one story he told in particular struck a chord in me. He recited the story of The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. His premise was that we should all have a story and tell it. However, when he finished the story, I saw myself in the story. Here is the story of the giving tree.

Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree very much. And the tree was happy. But time went by. And the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone. Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." "I am too big to climb and play," said the boy. "I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?" "I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy." And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy." "I'm too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm," he said. "I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house?" "I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy." And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. "Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play." "I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?" "Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away and be happy." And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy...but not really. After a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you--My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing from them--" "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb--" "I am too tired to climb," siad the boy. "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry..." "I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump IS good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy. (The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein (C) 1964 by Evil Eye Music, Inc. Harper Collins Publishers).

You see, I have always been the boy. I have always been the one who takes. This mentality has led to how I've "done church" all my life. It has always been about what can the church give to me. Well, here is the problem. I am the church. I am the Bride of Christ. I should be the Giving Tree. One day maybe I will learn to give away all that I have that holds value, ultimately to become a resting place for those who never found happiness in all of their taking.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matt. 10:39)

Life is truly found when we are willing to become stumps!!! (hmmm, what a backwards principle)

When I was in elementary school, my pappaw (grandfather) used to take me to church to this thing called royal ambassadors. I really have no idea what it really meant or what it was about. All I know is that we would build the cars and race them down a track. Mine very rarely won because my wheels always seemed to be crooked. I can't really tell you anything else about what we did or what I learned because it really all seems to be a bit of a blur (as many things are now days.)

It seems to me that this is the case for many of us today when we see the word "ambassador." We really aren't sure what it means or what it looks like. Some of us picture a political ambassador. Some, like me, picture some type of church organization. I had not thought much about this word until I had a conversation with my siblings in the Faith this past weekend in Lubbock. Mark, Berry, Justin, and I drove down to pick up some furniture. Before we headed back this way, we ate lunch with Shane and his wife Amanda. As they often do, our conversations seemed to bounce in many directions, and God seemed to be saying, "what about this...have you ever thought about that?" So, it was cool to hear what the Lord was speaking to each of our hearts. One of the discussions that seemed to be quite stimulating involved the aforementioned word, "ambassadors." Shane was sharing with us some insights about a John Wimber tape that he had been listening to, and I'm not really sure how it came around to the topic of ambassadors, but it eventually did. There were some interesting insights that were discussed and some I have thought of since then that I'd like to invite you to chew on...

"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2 Cor. 5:20)

--An ambassador is one who represents someone else. Therefore, if we are ambassadors for Christ, we are not here for the sake of our own identity. We are not here to protect our own identity. We are here to protect the identity of Christ. He is the one we represent.

--An ambassador is not a citizen of the place he/she is an ambassador to. For example, if my citizenship is in America, but I am an ambassador to Israel, then I am not a citizen of that particular place. My citizenship is only in America. Therefore, everything I do, must be done in such a way as that I never lose sight of where my true citizenship exists. I may do things in such a way as that they will make sense to the particular place I am an ambassador to, but I do not LIVE there. I may learn the language and the customs, but I must always remember that those things are only for the purpose of better communicating the message I have been sent with. In the same way, we have been sent as ambassadors of the King. It is as if God makes His plea through us. It is His message, but we must learn was to communicate in such a way that it will be understood by those who receive the message. However, in the midst of all of this, we must realize that our citizenship is not of this land. We an not residents of "this world." We are residents of the kingdom. We are truly aliens and strangers (1 Pet. 2:11). Since we are ambassadors of the King, we are in a foreign, hostile land. We have crossed enemy lines. So, we must continue to abstain from the things that will cause us to appear as if we are citizens here.

--An ambassador is immune to the laws of the country he/she is an ambassador to. In other words, when one is an ambassador from the US to Israel, he/she is not bound by Israel's laws. He/she is bound by US laws. We too are not bound by the laws that govern this world. The laws that govern this world are independence, lust, greed, selfishness, etc. As ambassadors of Christ we are bound by the laws of the Kingdom, which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22). Although the representatives of this world may tell us that we must abide by these laws if our life is to be "all it is meant to be," we must remember that it is the law of the Kingdom that we must abide by. Besides, we must remember that in this world, our lives will never be what they are meant to be...we don't belong here; our lives will be what they are meant to be when we are back home.

Since we are ambassadors, tension will always exist. We are in between two worlds: the Kingdom and this world. Since there will always be tension, things will not always make sense. There will be loss. There will be tears. There will be times when we forget where our citizenship is. Therefore, we must continue to remind ourselves that this world is not about ME. It is not about MY desires...MY dreams, etc. We are here as representatives of Christ. Therefore, we must allow Him to shape our desires and dreams, remembering consistently to pursue reconciliation with God because He is making His plea through us.

Continue on Fellow Ambassadors!

I had the wonderful privilege of partaking of some tasty Chinese food with a fellow servant of the Most High, Justin Nygren who shepherds a flock at Mars Hill in Richardson. Justin is an incredible brutha in the faith who has contagious passion and vision for the church. It was refreshing to sit and listen to his vision. Check out his blog tribalicious. I can promise you that you will browse away from it with a smile on your face and thoughts bouncing in your brain. What a privilege it is to be his brother in Christ. I look forward to our continued conversations.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:3-6)

You are in my prayers brutha!

"No, daddy! Nooo, daaaaddyyyyyy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gracelyn screamed as I turned off the television.

"If you are not going to listen to me, then you cannot watch television." I exclaimed in my look-at-me-I'm-a-tough-father voice.

Yes, that was the tragedy in my house tonight. I turned off the television, and Gracelyn came unglued, undone. She would not listen to me, so I redirected her focus. As I was thinking about that it reminded me of something my Father has been teaching me about lately. In order for me to see Him and listen to Him, He had to remove some things.

I wonder if I were having a conversation with Isaiah, he would say something like, "Dude, (I think he'd use "dude") I completely understand how you are feeling because I was there. I remember it as if it were yesterday...It was in the year that King Uzziah died..."

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah describes a time when the old order had passed away and God showed Himself to Isaiah. Prior to Uzziah dying, Israel had experienced a time of great national pride and glory. However, with the death of Uzziah, the king, the future of Israel was uncertain.

This is a time in my life when past ministerial successes have come to an end. The reality has set in that the call to plant Resonance is here. However, it is still uncertain. I can no longer lean on the old ministries that I once did. I have come to realize that I had been on cruise control up until now. I had this ministry thing down. I knew my routine. I was on the top of my game...it was good (so I thought). So good that I don't know if God was filling my sails or if I was row, row, rowing the boat myself (let me just say that my arms were tired). Needless to say, things were going smoothly, and I could predict, for the most part, what could happen. However, now those past Uzziahs are dead and the future is uncertain.

It was after Uzziah died that Isaiah saw the Lord in all of His splendor. Isaiah saw God seated on His throne, and his ears were filled with the ceaseless cries of the seraphim as they worshipped God. As a result of what Isaiah saw and heard, he was left undone. Because of being in the presence of God and realizing His filth before God, Isaiah knew that He was doomed. When the king died, Isaiah saw The King. Realizing his unworthiness, Isaiah was undone.

Now that those things that I trusted in for sustenance have been removed, I now must trust in The Sustainer. I never noticed how much I depended on the act of doing ministry to satisfy my hunger for significance as much as I did, but now that those tasks have been removed, He reminds me that ministry for Him is not what I can do for Him, but it is what He can do to me, through me and who He is to me. It is not as much about what I am working on for Him as it is about what He is working on in me. In other words, ministry should not be about me. It has to be completely about Him. I am the one He uses...I am the weapon, the tool, the servant. Thinking of this reminds me how truly unworthy I am to be in His presence, to be used by Him, to commune with Him, but the truth is that He has called me. I am not sure why, but He has! Although, I often try to talk Him out of it, He will have none of it. I am truly amazed that the Creator of the universe who needs no one to help Him in His plans has chosen to use me. However, I am still fearful of being used by Him. I am not quite ready to say, "Here am I, send me."

But wait, what is that in the distance I see? Is it a set of tongs with a burning coal on it?

Well, I am awake because I drank so much caffeine tonight that I will not sleep for days. In fact, it is as if I can feel the caffeine dancing in my stomach. Wow! Maybe I drank too much? No, I don't have a problem...it's...it's only caffeine...I mean I can quit anytime. Ok, I know I'm sorry...If you've ever drank too much caffeine, you understand my ramblings. And, yes, I am actually talking to myself right now...yes, it is sad. Ok...

I hooked up with some emerging church thinkers tonight at the Indie Allies Meetup at Insomnia Coffee Bar in Deep Ellum. Great stuff! It was wonderful listening and sharing vision for "doing church" in this generation. I am looking forward to more upcoming dialogue. It is so wonderful experiencing the bigger Body of Christ!

Isecurity
Lies next to me.
"Look into my eyes,"
He says, "I want to tell you lies."

"You aren't good enough."
"You might as well give up."
His voice echoes inside my head.
If I could just turn this thought light to red.

Why do I listen to his words?
He never says anything I haven't heard.
Still I listen anyway,
Hoping soon he will go away

"You are not welcome here!" I shout,
Hoping that will scare him out,
But I know relief is only temporary
Because he shows up when I'm weary

So all I can do when
I'm befriended by burdens
Is rest my head on the One
Who bids me, "Come."

This Resurrected King
Heals insecurity

It all began at hello.

I clicked over to the other line, and proceeded to receive an over-the-phone tongue lashing about a really stupid issue. In fact it is so stupid I really don't want to get into it. Nonetheless, as I was being sucker punched by one word after the other, I felt myself choking on my pride, holding back what I really wanted to say, which was something along the lines of, "This is so stupid, I don't even want to give you airtime." However, I knew that the right thing to do was to accept what I was hearing and find the deeper issue. I think the caller just wanted to be heard, but the problem is, so did I. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't even my fault. And besides, it was completely stupid (did I mention that yet?) Well, I hung up and didn't feel like even communicating with anyone the remainder of the night. All I wanted to do was eat and watch basketball. But, even as I did that, I continued to replay to phone conversation over and over...so much so that it just put me in an utterly bad mood the remainder of the evening. I didn't want to talk to my wife, play with my daughter, or even receive a loving lick from my dog. It all irritated me! If there was ever a time when I could morph into a turtle and hide in my shell, this was it. The night continued with episode after episode, none of them major, that just reminded me of this desire to be a turtle.

Then God spoke.

Midnight. My daughter, Gracelyn, awakens screaming and thrashing back and forth. As it turns out, it was nothing major either. Allergies! Her nose was stopped up and she was beyong irritation...much like her daddy. What I saw in her was how I had been acting all evening. I was thrashing around in self pity. However, she is much different than I.

As I started to leave and remove my hand from her back where I had been attempting to comfort her, she said, "I want you, daddy." Immediately, it clicked. Not once had I said that. In fact, I wanted God to defend me. Instead of defending me, He wanted to comfort me. I don't know why sometimes He defends and sometimes He comforts and sometimes He does both. But tonight He wanted to comfort me. He used the mouth of a four year old to get me to realize that the same thing she wanted was the very thing I needed. He showed me that sometimes, I need to stop thrashing around and just say, "I want you, daddy." Not really expecting Him to do anything, but be there with His hand upon me.

Even as I write, I am almost cringing because it is so hard for me to utter those words because they mean surrender. They mean that I can't do it all on my own. So, maybe before I go to bed, or when I wake up, I'll be able to learn a lesson from Gracelyn and seek the comfort of my Daddy.

"I want You, Daddy." I want Your comforting hand upon my back, reminding me that You are near, reminding me that You understand, reminding me that I am not alone.

The precious is mine. I found it. oh, the precious....the precious.

Berry, Mark, and I braved the long lines at a local movie theatre this weekend, trekked our way to our seats, and prepared to witness the "Return of the King," the most recent Lord of the Rings. What an incredible movie! In fact, you know a movie is great if you come away with a character's identity...

Berry--Aragon
Mark--Legolas "The Elf"
Chris--Gimli "The Dwarf"

However, the identity association did not stop there. I began not only to see myself in many of the characters. I saw our journey as Resonance.

Here we are, on this journey in the kingdom, waiting for the king's return. The King has taken his seat in heaven, and one day he will completely conquer the dark forces, he will come riding on his white horse with His legends behind him and the gates of Hades will not be able to hold him back. However, as we wait for the king's return there is a fellowship that he has given us. We must cultivate this fellowship of followers because within all of us is a Gollum who hungers for the precious power. It is easy to tell ourselves that this church plant is ours, we started it. We must remember that we are on this journey together, fighting side by side, not so that we may gain anything, but that we may make a way for the return of the King.

May our fellowship remain unbroken.

Well, I'm finally done with seminary! I want to say that I am really excited, but I'm not really sure how I feel because it does not seem like a reality yet. But, it does feel nice to read what I want, write when I want, and be back to "normal" life. Seminary has been an interestingly scary experience. I have been able to taste what it would be like to live in a white-washed world where the primary stresses are a final exam or a paper to write. Now, it is back to the place where pain really lives and breathes...back to the place where people really don't care what your view is on dispensationalism...which they shouldn't anyway. Anyway, in that sense, it does feel good to be back to some kind of normalcy. However, I have to say that seminary wasn't what I thought it would be.

I walked into the hallways first during the Fall of 2000, excited to learn everything about the bible, get the answers to any question that someone may ask, or even answer some of the questions I had. I walked into seminary looking for answers. However, now that I am walking, it really isn't answers I have, but more questions. Some may think that having more questions is a problem because seminarians are supposed to know the answers. Well, that isn't me. I have learned that the bible is way too complex and God is way to big for me to answer everything. In fact, maybe it isn't even answers that anyone should look for. Maybe learning is really about learning what questions are worth asking.

So, as I continue on in this journey of life, my prayer is that God would always reveal knew questions to me that are worth asking...not so much so that He would give me all of the answers, but so that it would create more dialogue between us. After all God is not a dictionary. He isn't just interested in giving us answers. He is the Creator who is interested in communion with His creation.

My own personal shout out
Thank you Lord, for how You so often carried me through school. Thank You for giving me questions and not always choosing to answer them. Thank You for providing financially, emotionally, and spiritually while I was in school. Finally, thank You for thank You for the beauty of Your Word. May I ever hunger after You through it. Lord, keep me humble, so that I never allow my seminary degree to shape my identity. Thank You!

It has been a month since my last blog...I can't believe it. I shouldn't really even be blogging right now, but I am so overwhelmed I have to have some type of outlet. Maybe an electrical outlet, maybe an outlet mall...man my brain is scattered, like marbles on the kitchen floor, like chickens in the presence of a wolf. What am I talking about? This is your brain...this is your brain on education...why do I even need education...maybe that's the problem I think I need it. Why? Because I feel like I am worth something if I know something...maybe I should admit that I really know very little or that I'm not sure if I even want to be known. If I'm known then I'm found. Thank God that knowing me, He found me, finding me He saved me.

That's about all for today. The above is the random thoughts of one who is completely stressed out!

May God continue to bless you, not because you are entitled to it, but because it is His nature to bless!

I'll write more coherently once the semester is over...Graduation (already/not yet)

In Exodus 3, God informs the Israelites that He has come to rescue them from the Egyptians and take them to a land (Canaan) flowing with milk and honey.

In my previous study of this passage, more specifically the phrase, "milk and honey." I had always interpreted that as a land flowing with an over abundance. However, this week I heard an interpretation this week that seems to fit the idea of this passage more completely. It seems that the phrase "a land flowing with milk and honey" doesn't mean that the land will have an over abundance, but it will have just enough. The land will be just enough to meet the needs of the people.

As I thought about this, it came to my attention why I liked the over abundance idea...I'm greedy! selfish! I want more than I really need. It is not enough for God to meet my needs; He must give me more...He is obligated to give me more. However, all along, God is saying...I am all you need and I will give you all you need, nothing more, nothing less. This has been apparent the last couple of weeks.

My wife, daughter, and I have been having difficulty relocating to North Dallas, where our church plant is. Our home seemingly has no chance of selling soon, we had no real leads on apartments, and my wife was having some trouble with her pregnancy. So, we had a lot on our minds, to say the least. This past week, God gave just what we needed, nothing more, nothing less. We found an apartment on Tuesday, and we are scheduled to move in Nov. 21. We had a doctor's appointment on Friday, where we were able to see the baby's heart beat! Thank you Lord!

Although our house has not shown and there doesn't seem to be anyone interested in it yet, I am confident that the Lord will continue to provide in a way that is exactly what we need, nothing more, nothing less.

Lord, teach me to live a lifestyle in the land that is flowing with milk and honey, trusting in what You provide!

"Well, I've gotta have faith, faith, faith." (Yes, I just quoted a line from a George Michael song. I can't believe I did it myself, but it seemed appropriate! Please forgive me.)

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). If there is any word that is resonating with me right now it is faith. You see, because I stink at it! I have faith when it is easy to have faith. My faith in God is at its best in the midst of blessing. It seems as if when I read of the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11, I tend to highlight the successes that these heroes were a part of...Enoch being taken up, Noah being saved, Abraham and Sarah conceiving Isaac, Moses rescuing the Israelites, etc.

What I seem to skip over verses 36-38: others experience mockings, scourgings, imprisonment, stoned, sawn in two, death by the sword, destitute, afflicted, ill-treated, wandering in deserts and mountains and caves. I forget that faith involves vulnerability. The product of a faithful life is not earthly success, church growth, financial stability. It is Godly character. It is the hope that regardless of the earthly circumstances there is an eternity with the Almighty. It is realizing that although I have not seen God, that one day I will. Furthermore, it is passing this hope along to others. It is infecting them with the Faith Virus, so that it infiltrates every part of a person's being, regardless of the circumstances.

As I write this it is hard to escape the thought that I want Resonance to grow not only spiritually but numerically. I want to influence and infect many with the Gospel. However, I must continue to remind myself that this is a difficult journey. It is a long journey. This journey does not promise "success" (whatever that really is). However, what this journey does promise is a faith that produces Godly character. Therefore, I rely on the All-Powerful, Never-Changing God of the Universe to meet me not only in victory, but also sit with me in my frailty.

Lord give me the faith that is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen even when I must walk through Hebrews 11:36-38.

Anyone who has seen the movie Field of Dreams is familiar with this concept. For those who maybe have slept since the last time they saw the movie, the phrase is something that the main character, played by Kevin Cosner, hears repeated. The idea is that if he will build a baseball field in his corn field, some of the old, legendary baseball players will come. So, he obediently responds, building a baseball field, and as the voice promised, they come. If you are a baseball fan, it is a great movie, which is something big for Kevin Cosner, especially since movie blockbusters like Waterworld! Of course that is another blog for another day.

The problem with this phrase is that it is what many of the modern churches have adopted as their philosophy of ministry. If they can build a nonthreatening, user-friendly building that houses programs for every season, every mood, every age, then people will come. However, I am not so sure that is what the mission of the church is. Now, please don't get me wrong, I am not against the gathering of the church, nor am I against programs...well at least all of them. What I am tired of is the church first of all being only a place where people gather. The church is the people. It is the people both gathered and scattered. We are the church when we are on the highway, when we are with our children, when we speak to our spouses, when we are alone. We cannot cease being the church.

The second thing I am tired of is the complacent church that builds programs and expects people to come. The church that opens the doors and says..."come one, come all, to the greatest show on earth" while the least of these are dying in the streets. As I read James 1:27 I am reminded what true religion is, which is what the church should be practicing, "Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world."(The Message) Real religion is the church reaching out...going into the community...penetrating the godless world. That is what Jesus did. He reached out to the homeless and gave them a place to lay their head. He reached out to the loveless and touched them with hands of mercy. However, at the same time he guarded himself against corruption with his relationship with the Father. We too, must reach out to the homeless and loveless where they are. We must be willing to love the lepers who daily walk our streets. Yet, while we reach we must remember whose we are, so that we can guard ourselves from the flaming arrows of the enemy.

After all, the church really isn't a field of dreams. It is a field of destiny!