Mystery of Mercy
My God, my God why hast thou accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty king
My God, my God why has thou accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song I sing (Caedmons Call)
I really like it when a songwriter is able to grab a hold of my heart and play it as his instrument. That is the case with the song that contains these lyrics.
I am not certain why God has accepted me because I so readily reject Him when His way is not quick enough. Then there are those times when I am going through the motions of worship, offering to Him what I think is worship, but it is only vinegar...probably because I worship His Word more than Him...I worship His songs more than Him...I worship His church more than Him. I do not know why God has accepted me. It is definitely a mystery of mercy!
As I think through this the question that I cannot escape is: why do we feel as if it is necessary to explain everything about God? Sometimes we are so willing to explain everything about God that our explanation becomes our doctrine, and our doctrine becomes our god. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that we should completely throw out doctrine because I think doctrine gives us an opportunity to pursue the truth of God. However, it in and of itself is not our pursuit of God. So, what is the solution? We must let God be mysterious...we can only know about Him as much as He will reveal about Himself to us. When God is mysterious, we are more willing to passionately pursue Him because we don't know everything about Him...there is more we want Him to reveal about Himself.
It is my prayer that I would read doctrine to get a better understand of the truth of God, but also that I would allow God to remain mysterious, so that I will pursue Him more. Lord, teach me the balance between doctrine and mystery...remind me that Your thoughts are not my thoughts, and Your ways are higher than my ways (Isa. 55:8,9).
Lord, I do not completely comprehend You, nor do I comprehend why You have so often accepted me. I thank You for not treating me in the way that my sins deserve. Thank You for Your mysterious mercy. May it be the song that I sing!
Today is like any other day, but it is not. Usually on Wed. I am rushing trying to get the powerpoint finished, polishing up on the study for tonight, preparing for an afternoon of lunches at the local high school, and schooling the pastor at a little ping pong. However, today that is not the case. This is my first Wednesday away from youth ministry. Although you would think that I am a bit excited to have a little bit of a break...I am not. My heart aches. I already miss my kids. This has been a difficult week, more difficult than I had initially thought. I knew that I would be transitioning out, and I knew that there would be some sorrow, but today there seems to be a bit of emptiness as I think about my students. I will miss their screams as they play pool. I will miss the ping pong ball bouncing uncontrollably off of the church walls. I will miss the high fives. I will miss the basketball before the Wed night service. I will miss stacking chairs. I will miss the laughter of my pastor. I will miss his friendship. I will miss their friendship.
However, I know that planting this church is God's will. I am certain that before the foundation of the world, God ordained this time. He has never lost control of it, even when my heart was far from Him. As we move completely into our ministry at Resonance, I am reminded of the Waterdeep/100 Portraits song off of Enter the Worship Circle "I Will Not Forget You." The lyrics are as follows:
Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear you speak
But they will never turn around
I will not forget You are my God my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you
A grateful heart I give; a thankful prayer I pray
A wild dance I dance before You
A loud song I sing; a huge bell I ring
A life of praise I live before You
Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
Many men will read Your words
But they will never change their minds
During the process of this transition, I do not want to forget that God is in control. His will is being done on earth as it is in heaven. Therefore, I want my life to be a life of praise lived before Him. I want to allow His Word to soften my heart, quicken my steps. I want to continue, as Psalm 106:1 says, to "Hallelujah! Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever."
If my memory serves me correctly, the word for love there in Hebrew is "hesed," which refers not just to God's love, but His "loyal love." God's covenantal love that He promised to His children. I want to remember that God's loyal love endures forever. Regardless of what house we live in, what church we minister in, what city we drive through, God's loyal love endures forever. So, I will praise His name. I will live a life of praise before Him.
However, this is not only my prayer, it is the prayer for my students at New Hope. I pray that they would live a life of praise to God in the midst of their transition as well.
Thank you God for sending me to New Hope, and thank you for sending me to Resonance, may everything I do be in worship of You!
Fuel 5
Sometimes when I am sitting outside on the porch of my house my dog, Shadow, walks up and sits down at my feet. Why does she do this? Is she hungry? Does she want to play? Does she want me to pet her? Or does she just want to be close to me?
I think maybe it is for each of these reasons at different times. Sometimes she does want to play, sometimes she does want food, or just to be close, etc. Either way, she knows who her provider is, and she draws near to him. What lessons we can learn from dogs!
Monday night at Fuel, we talked about "pressing in" on God, making an effort to get close to Him. It is so easy for us as we are walking through this church plant process to become so comfortable with what God has done that we take a break...shift gears...stop pressing closer to Him. However, it is when we stop pressing in that we begin to pursue things that please ourselves, as opposed to what pleases God. We must learn from Shadow who is the provider, and if we are going to experience His provision--large or small, we must press in, pursue Him, draw near to Him, grab ahold of Him.
I am reminded of a couple of instances in Scripture where this "pressing in" takes place.
The first example I find is in Genesis 32:24-31. It is here where we find the description of Jacob wrestling with the Angel of the Lord, whom many believe is either some type of theophany or Pre-incarnate Christ. Regardless of who it is, Jacob sees it as wrestling with the Lord. During this wrestling match Jacob says to the Lord, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." Therefore, the Lord blesses Jacob. As a reminder of this battle, God changes Jacob's name to Israel (which means he fights or persists with God and prevails)and God wounds Jacob's hip, causing Him to limp. If we are to press in to God we must be willing to allow God to shape our identity, like He did Jacob's (changing his name). We also must be willing to experience potential wounds. When striving with God, we will experience pain. However, it is in this pain that God can teach us...He uses it to remind us of His blessing.
The second thing I am reminded of is James 4:7,8. Here James exhorts his readers to submit to God and draw near to Him. When God's children draw near to Him, He draws near to them. Pressing in requires submission. It requires a person being willing to say, "Lord, you have my heart, my goals, my treasures, my identity, etc." Pressing in requires God's children to seek closeness with Him actively. Too many times we say, "Lord, where are you...why aren't you close to me?" When all along He is waiting for us to draw near to Him in worship, prayer, His Word, fellowship with other members of His family...
If we are truly going to allow God's will do be done on earth as it is in heaven, we must press in and allow Him to be our daily provider.
Lord, may we sit at your feet?