Just Thinking

I like this translation of Matthew 7:6 in the Message,

"Don't be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege."

Jesus is much more than a nice saying on a sign or a sly illustration in a book. He is our mysterious Savior.

In all of our attempts to be relevant, have we reduced the mysterious to mere slogans?

Once upon a time there was a seed, but he didn’t really want to be a seed. He wanted really to be a tree. So, he began to learn everything there was to learn about trees. He read books like, The Purpose Driven Tree and The Emerging Tree. He interviewed people who had been trees for a long time whose leaves were so many there was no number that could enumerate them. He asked them questions like,

“How do you get so many leaves?” and “How do you present yourself that other leaves will want to come hang in your branches?”

He would even go and sit in the shade of some well-known trees. Many of them did a good job hiding the Sun.

As the days passed, he became frustrated because he was still a seed with no where to rest. He didn’t know what else to do. He had done everything it seemed. He had even studied all of the soil near him. Some was too hard. Some was too soft. Some was over-ridden with weeds. There were many days that he would lie down in his warm bed, take a long drink of water, and wonder if the frustration would ever end. Until one day...

IT happened.

His limbs started to grow, and his arms branched out to the forests and towns near by. As the Sun shone through his leaves, he finally realized that he never really was just a seed. He had always been a tree just in a different season of growth.

Who I am is not a reflection of what I do, but what I do is a reflection of who I am. Who I am is the reality while what I do is the reflection.

Well, Caleb is now 5 months old, and he has been sleeping through the night for just about three months now. However, this has not always been the case. It seems like not so long ago that Caleb would wake up numerous times in the middle of the night or at unscheduled times during the day. You may be thinking, “what is so wrong with that?” Well, his awake times were not pleasant because much of it was spent bouncing back and forth between crying and screaming. There were very few of the nice little serene “baby moments” that you often think of. Kristi (the best mother in the world) and I (the most clueless father ever) spent our time passing him to one another so that we could endure the screaming. You may also be thinking, “Why didn’t you just let him sleep when he wanted?” Here’s why: it was not the right time for him to sleep. We needed to teach him when it was appropriate to rest and when it was appropriate to be awake. He’s an infant he can’t just do it. He had to be taught, and since we are his parents, the responsibility fell on us. We lovingly accepted that responsibility.

You see, that is what a parent does for a child...teaches them how to rest.

That is what our Father must teach us as well.

“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures...” (Psalm 23:1)

Have you ever thought through this passage? Look at what it says here. What is “me” (the sheep) doing? What is the pasture like?

The sheep (me) is lying down. Okay, Captain Obvious, no big deal... But it isn’t the fact that the sheep is lying down it is the fact that he is lying down in green grass! He is not eating. He is not grazing. He is not moving. He is resting.

Why? The LORD is his Shepherd. He is completely comfortable in His presence. Sheep are fearful animals, and they do not easily lie down. However, because of the presence of the Shepherd, he can lie down. In fact it is this confidence in the Shepherd not himself that makes the sheep lie down. Who makes the sheep lie down? Not the sheep...the Shepherd. The sheep is not afraid!

Not only is he not afraid, but he is completely satisfied. The sheep is not in want. All of the sheep’s needs have been met, and now he can comfortably rest in the presence of his Great Shepherd. The sheep can rest assured that his Shepherd is in charge of his provision.

We all must learn to rest. It is not an easy transition because we are grazers. Like Caleb, we spend much of our time kicking and screaming because we have not learned when and how to rest. Maybe it is because of our lack of trust in our Shepherd? I know that is the case for me. So, I need the LORD...my Father...my Shepherd to continue to teach me how and when to rest.

LORD, make me lie down.

Sarah McLachlan has the right idea of service...check out the video for "World on Fire".

We all need to be reminded that there are people all across the world who need our help and prayers...may we all listen to the Lord and allow Him to teach us to look outside of our perceived difficulties and serve those in need.

Here is a wonderful teaching on the Day of Atonement.

May we all approach the throne of grace with confidence remembering what our Lord and Savior has done for us, individually and corporately.

If you go to just about any Christian bookstore, (is there really such a thing...can bookstores be redeemed?) you can find numbers of books written about the church. If you scroll back to my previous blogs, you will also note my ponderings of what the Church is. What is interesting about all of this Church talk is that just about everyone wants to reform the Church, and just about everyone has their own theory (or maybe it's just a hypothesis) on how to do such a thing...including me.

Well, here is a news flash. We cannot, nor will we ever reform the Church.

Why?

Because here is what the Church is not. The Church is not ours. We are not the head of the Church. Jesus is the head of the Church (Eph. 1:22; 4:15; 5:22...). When we attempt to change or reform the Church, we take ownership of it. Maybe we (we, including me) should stop trying to reform the Church and allow God, through the Spirit to reform us. We can sit and debate what the Church is to do, who it is to be reaching, and how often it is to meet. However, debating is not worshipping...honoring...glorifying...edifying. We (again including me) should cease this debate about what the Church is and start living in submission to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. We should start living lives of obedience to our Master and Savior. In other words, it is time to shut up. It is time to live...serve...devote...commune...love. Let's start being the Church instead of talking about it...trying to get it right.

So, what is the Church? It is a bunch (community, family, gathering) of sinners, trying to hear the still, small whisper of the One whom it serves.

That's all.

You got my back?

Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite? Great movie!!!! As I was watching it (for the second time) last week, one scene particularly struck me. After Napoleon and his brother return from a karate class, Napoleon is at school talking to his new friend Pedro. As they are sitting in the bleachers during their P.E. class, Napoleon asks Pedro, "Do you got my back?" The first time I saw this scene, I just laughed; however, the second time something clicked. That question was what Napoleon desired deeply...it was what he needed most. He needed someone to get his back.

It is also what the Church needs today.

One of the problems that exists in the Church today that is birthed out of how we live our lives is that the desire for independence is growing. Independence essentially says that it is my responsibility to meet my needs...to serve myself. However, it seems to me that this is diametrically opposed to what God desires of the Church. He wants us to be dependent upon one another. Being dependent upon each other is about realizing that this being involved in community thing isn't just about my gifts and my desires. It is about using my gifts to serve someone else. It is about setting aside my desire for the benefit of the community. It is about laying aside myself for the benefit of someone else.

When we depend on one another, we realize that I have your back, and you have my back. Thus, the Church really is about getting one another's back.

This idea is exemplified by Jesus when He says, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).

Paul also tells us in Galatians 5:13 to serve one another in love.

When I have your back and you have my back, we look out for each other, serve each other, intercede for each other, love each other.

So, let all of us stop trying to get our own backs and start looking for someone else's back to get.

Some thoughts if I may...some days it seems like church is just man organized at a mediocre attempt to achieve "encouragement" while subconciously seeking comfort in numbers, acceptance here on earth, "paying back" some of what God has given us. Those will continuously see church pessimistically because they will never find those things in a church, subconsciously or consciously. Those are to be provided by God alone, maybe through a church or maybe not. BUT...if we can see what church as we know it today evolved from, then church should be a coming together of people of like hearts with a desire to see God lifted up and exalted, corporately doing just that, then man's heart finds encouragement. Jesus, when lifted up, will draw all men unto him. So who is it for? God. Who benefits: saved and unsaved alike.
--Craig Sims

Craig, thank you so much for your input. Man, my heart is always warmed by what you have to say! First of all let me say with I agree with what you have to say about those who are seeking for comfort in numbers, acceptance here on earth, and "paying back" what God has given will always see church pessimistically.

We shouldn't seek comfort in numbers...we should seek comfort from the Comforter whether numbers are large or small. We should not expect complete acceptance here on earth even from our brothers and sisters in the faith because we are sinful and sin scars relationships. How could we ever "pay back" what God has done for us? That is completely impossible and borders on arrogant. We are forever indebted to Him!

It seems so often today, there is so much disdain for "the church." When in actuality the church is only a reflection of the hearts of the people. Thus, when we complain against the church, are we not also making some accusation against ourselves. There needs to be much more respect for the church.

I also think it would help to see the where the church evolved from. This will help us get a Biblical perspective of the church as opposed to a buffet (all I can eat) perspective. Here are some things I see biblical in regards to the church, taking from the points you made.

a coming together
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Heb. 10:19-25)

It is not completely clear why there were some who were giving up meeting together, but we do know that the writer of Hebrews strongly warns them not to take up the practice of failing to come together. When we come together, we have the opportunity to enter into the most holy place together. We have the opportunity to share in the hope we profess together. We have the opporunity to spur one another on toward love and good deeds. We have the opportunity to encourage one another...especially because the Day is approaching. It is true that each individual is the church, but each of us is a part of the body as well. When we come together the body is complete. I could not imagine what it would be like if I saw an arm just hanging around at the grocery store one day. That is what it looks like when we do not gather together. We are only part of what God has called us to be.

of people of like hearts
All the believers were together and had everything in common. (Acts 2:44)

This is what the church was founded upon. Everyone had like hearts. It really wasn't based upon similar political views or similar interpretations of the gifts of the Spirit...it was based upon the fact that they gathered together because they shared in the mission of God...to extend His kingdom to those who were imprisoned by and dying in their sin. Thus, having everything in common has mostly to do with exalting Jesus.

exalting Jesus
But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself. (John 12:32)

It is interesting to me Craig, that you referred to this verse. I have thought much about this verse and how it relates to what the church is to do. What is it that Jesus is referring to here? Verse 33 tells us that this is in reference to the crucifixion. What a weird way to describe exaltation. In Jesus's view him being exalted was him being crucified. That is not at all what we think of when we think of exaltation. How does this apply to the church? Can it even apply to the church? I think it can. Here's why. First of all, the crucifixion is offensive; therefore, many churches today do not want to have a cross in their sanctuary for fear of offending. Furthermore, it is rarely mentioned because there is a fear that it will scare someone away. We cannot hide from the reality of the cross! It is ugly. It is offensive. But remembering the cross and what Jesus did is part of exalting Him. When we lift Him up on the cross. It speaks of His service, His surrender, His submission, and eventually to His resurrection. It speaks of HIM!!!! As Brennan Manning refers to it...it is His signature. When the church exalts Jesus, it does draw men to Himself...not the opposite.

Craig, thank you again for your input. My comments are only my reflections at this time. I do not want to give the impression that I know it all. In fact that is why I am even working through this series of blogs. I know very little about the church...I want to know more!

Here are some other passages that I am looking at in regards to the church:
-Acts 2:42-46
-Acts 20:7
-1 Cor. 11:18
-1 Cor. 14:26-40
-Eph. 4:11-12

Church is for the unsaved but primarily i would say it is for the saved. It is were we receive training and encouragement. I am not much of a cook, so i will bring potato salad.
--Ruth Ferguson

Ruth, first of all thank you for your input. Basically what I see you saying is that church is for both the saved and unsaved. My question to you (or anyone who would like to offer) here is: Do we specifically target one group or the other? In other words, do we shape our "church" service in such a way that it is attractive to unbelievers? Or, do we primarily try to equip and encourage the saved? What does this look like...this equipping and encouraging?

Here is another idea to ponder: How is the church described in the Bible? Basically it seems as if there are two words that are used to refer to the church: 1.) kyriakos (1 Cor. 11:20; Rev. 1:10) and 2.) Ekklesia (numerous places...Matt. 16:18, 18:17, 2 Tim 2:19, Rom. 16:1, 1 Cor. 1:2; 1 Cor. 3:9-10, 2 Cor. 1:1, 1 Thess 1:1...to name a few).

Also, Ruth, thanks for the potato salad...(mustard or mayo based?)

I would like to do sort of a "pot luck" blog for the next week or so, depending upon how the dialogue goes.

Here is what I'd like to discuss with all of you who are willing to offer:

Church, what is it, who is it for?

(please offer b/c it is hard to have a pot luck when you are the only one who brings the food!!!)

Not too much to say right now...maybe I talk too much anyway...

Many thoughts brewing, but none have completely come to the surface yet.

Please don't go away. I don't know if my poor self-esteem could take it.

Much has happened since the last time I blogged. A few weeks ago I had to buy a new computer because my other one decided that it had had enough. It revolted...went on strike...retired...quit! So, I was quite frustrated since I do nearly everything on the computer. About that time, Gracelyn had another incident. She was playing and turned her head quickly, straining a muscle in her neck. She was completely incapacitated. I had to carry her to the bathroom or anywhere else that she needed to go. It was extremely frustrating! You see, I am a "fix it" kind of person. If something isn't working, I want to make it work. If something is broken, I want to find some way to fix it. Both of these situations were such that I could really fix neither of them. So, I did the next best thing, I got mad at God and let Him have it. Yes, I know what you're thinking..."you showed Him didn't you." or "wow, what a mature disciple...did you learn that in seminary?" I had basically had enough. As we were preparing to take Gracelyn to the doctor (yet again), I gave God an earful. What was interesting is that I didn't get any indication of a response. It seemed as if He just let me vent.

So, in my mind here is what I was thinking:
1. I am living in a town where I don't feel like I fit.
2. I have felt like I was in constant transition from the time we moved out here.
3. I'm tired of things happening to my daughter that I can't fix (her cheek...now the neck)
4. My wife was denied family medical leave act, and her position could be filled before her return to work.
5. I had to buy a computer which we could not afford.

So, it was as if I was going down the list, telling God what I had "suffered" through...as if He hadn't been there through all of it.

Then God spoke.

It was about a week after my tirade when we received a letter in the mail which contained a check that paid for 90% of the computer. Immediately Kristi and I were overwhelmed! We didn't really deserve this check. Besides I had been such a big baby. As soon as I saw the check, it was as if God said to me. I've always taken care of you, and I am not going to stop now.

A few days later God spoke again.

We received another letter in the mail, and upon opening that letter we received another check, which paid for the rest of the computer. This check came from quite an unlikely source, which made it mean that much more. This check was from a couple who can barely afford to pay their rent. Wow! Again, I was overwhelmed with God's grace.

As I look back over the past few weeks, I am again encouraged by God's provision and the obedience of His children who listened to His voice.

Over these last few weeks Psalm 34 has spoken much comfort and encouragement to my heart.

34:1 I will praise the Lord at all times;
my mouth will continually praise him.
34:2 I will boast in the Lord;
let the oppressed hear and rejoice!
34:3 Magnify the Lord with me!
Let’s praise his name together!
34:4 I sought the Lord’s help and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
34:5 Those who look to him for help are happy;
their faces are not ashamed.
34:6 This oppressed man cried out and the Lord heard;
he saved him from all his troubles.
34:7 The Lord’s angel camps around
the Lord’s loyal followers and delivers them.
34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good!
How happy is the one who takes shelter in him!

David wrote this Psalm after he tried to fix a problem that he had. He pretended to be insane before Abimilech (1 sam. 21:10-15). However, David recognizes in this Psalm that it not he who can fix his problems. Notice in verse 2 he does not say that he will boast in what he can do. He boasts in the Lord. It is the Lord who helps, answers, delivers, hears, saves.

Yes, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good! So, I too boast in Him.

Satire: A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.

Just in case you haven't found this out yet, the article below is a satire...it took me a few days to figure this out, but it isn't real.

What is sad, however, is that it isn't far from the truth! Although the events described in the article did not happen, are they so far removed from the truth that they couldn't? No, it wouldn't be a satire if there wasn't some bit of human vice being attacked. Although the events were not true, the heart of the article is not far from the truth.

So, as you get a good chuckle (as I did) from this satire, let us not forget to examine our hearts. Who are we worshipping? Let us all press on to worship the One who created us to worship Him!

Enjoy more satire at the Holy Observer

Worship Festival "Sucks"

The worship scene in Seattle may be losing momentum. According to attendees of last week's Bowels of Praise '04, many worship enthusiasts "just weren't into it." Said Ryan Conklin, 17, "I don't know, man. Like, there's usually a lot of crying going on if the worship is good. But people were just standing around, listening to the worship. I can't get into the worship if other people aren't into it."

For Heather Melton, the worship needs some new life. "We need our Nirvana, you know? Like, Delirious is old school. And 'Heart of Worship' is just a played out song, man. The worship doesn't pump me up like it used to." Garrett Ross, 24, has been following the worship circuit around the country for the last couple of years. "When it started - it was pure, man. The worshippers today don't have a clue. I was at Bowels '99 when the worship exploded, man. Now, the worship has sold out to corporate America, with big budget worship albums and stuff.. The worship sucks these days, man."

Worship promoter Bill "Hands Lifter" Kyle says such trends are cyclical. "The worship industry is fickle. You just have to ride out these downturns in the quality of the worship until a hot new worship band comes along and kicks everyone in the rear-end. I saw it in the late 90's, and I'm sure we'll see it again. Good worship writing and playing will always rise to the top. Until then, we'll just have to put up with the worship we have now."

Article taken from The Holy Observer

Ughhhhh!!!! What is worship about anyway? I'm so tired of worship being looked at as some genre of music...or the next thing. Worship is eternal because it is directed to an eternal God. If worship sucks, it is because people's hearts suck!

"I hate, I despise your religious feasts;
I cannot stand your assemblies.

AM 5:22 Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
I will have no regard for them.

AM 5:23 Away with the noise of your songs!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.

AM 5:24 But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

AM 5:25 "Did you bring me sacrifices and offerings
forty years in the desert, O house of Israel?

AM 5:26 You have lifted up the shrine of your king,
the pedestal of your idols,
the star of your god--
which you made for yourselves.

We aren't too removed from Israel. We have become idol worshippers. Our idol has become the worship of worship itself.

May the Lord purify our hearts and give us a hunger to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. Lord give us the heart of the writer of Psalm 137, so that we would be able to say this with him,

PS 137:1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.

PS 137:2 There on the poplars
we hung our harps,

PS 137:3 for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"

PS 137:4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?

PS 137:5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget its skill.

PS 137:6 May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I do not remember you,
if I do not consider Jerusalem
my highest joy.

If we forget why we are singing, may our tongues cling to the roof of our mouths!

We just got back from taking Caleb to get some blood drawn. He is a bit jaundiced, so they needed to check his bilirubin (ok...that is enough medical jargon). While they were drawing his blood I was standing above him, rubbing his head for comfort (I'm not sure if it was more for my comfort or his). As soon as they pricked his foot, he began to cry...ok scream. I could have stopped them from hurting him. I had the power to stop all of it, but I knew that he needed to hurt. So, instead of stopping them from hurting him, I needed to be with him...comforting, soothing, listening, watching, holding. He needed to hurt.

"Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand." (Is. 53:10)

The Father had the power to end the pain of His Son, but He knew that the Son needed to hurt. In fact it was His will to crush Him. The Father caused the Son to suffer on our behalf, knowing that it would eventually draw us to Him.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Is. 55:8-9).

At times it will be the Father's will to put us in painful positions. He does have the power to end our pain, and eventhough, we cry out to Him to end it, He doesn't. This is extremely difficult for us to understand. Our thoughts are not His thoughts. His ways are higher than our ways. It is during these times that He is standing above us...comforting, soothing, listening, watching, holding.

Sometimes, we just gotta hurt.

Today as I was holding my son (I just love seeing that in print), he was grabbing my finger. What an incredible feeling it was to have my son who is completely dependent upon me to provide for him holding on to my finger. My fingers seemed to be ten times larger than his.

He has such small hands. My hands are bigger than his...I can do for him what he cannot do for or by himself.

My Father's hands are bigger than mine. He can do for me and through me what I could never do by myself. If I could only hold onto His finger!

It is such a privilege to be a father. What a picture of our heavenly relationship!

"what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?" (Ps. 8:4)

Caleb Baggett is officially here!!!!

6 lbs 9 ounces

19 3/4 inches long

Will blog later with more details. God is most definitely good!!!

Check out the list of banished words for 2004 compiled by Lake Superior State University in Michigan.

Banished words.

What would some of your banished words be?

Disclaimer: Please do not read if you are looking for any answers...

Is the Church today any different that Ci Ci's?

If you were to ask just about any owner of Ci Ci's Pizza, what do you think is their priority. Is it serving high quality pizza? If you have eaten there, you know what the answer is. No, their priority is the bottom line...how much money are we bringing in. More people in the restaurant equals more money. Success is how many are in the seats.

Is this the same measuring stick for the church today? Are healthy churches the ones with the largest attendance? I'm not too sure what the answer is. This is something I've struggled with on and off for the past few years. How do we measure the success of the Church today?

I have been discussing this lately with some of those around me who are smarter than I am (of course being smarter than me doesn't really say a lot does it?) There is this struggle that I have where I want to be a part of a mega-church, but at the same time there is something that doesn't sit right with me whenever I hear or read the word "mega-church." I'm not sure if the uneasiness I feel is a check from the Holy Spirit or if it is jealousy because the mega-churches have all of the resources.

As I have struggled through this God has been teaching me much just about how I view the Church. He has been showing me that I put too much emphasis on what I call the church (notice the little "c"). There seems to be this difference between the Church as the world-wide community of God and the church as the local gathering. I have often put quite a bit of emphasis on the local gathering, where much of my energy has gone to growing this gathering. On many occasions the thought has taken root in my mind, "what can I do to get more people in here?" However, I don't think that is the correct question to be asking. Maybe the right question to ask is, "how can I get more people (including myself) out of here?" I think God is trying to teach me that the Church isn't primarily about what goes on in my little community (church). Now, I am not saying that people should not gather as a local community. I think that is extremely important, but what I am saying is that sometimes I think we forget about the world-wide Church...The Kingdom of God. As far as the Kingdom of God is concerned, it is about using, not just having. It is about sending out, not just getting. Rick Warren says it best in The Purpose Driven Church. He says, "a church's health is measured by its sending capacity, not its seating capacity." What are we doing with the people who come into our churches? Do we spend enormous amounts of time trying to love them, train them, and send them? Are we helping them realize what God's heart for them is? Or, are we trying to get them to come back, bring a friend, and win a free X-Box?

What is our mentality in our churches today? Is it "how can we get and keep people" or is it "how can we get and send people"? Or, maybe it is some combination of both. I don't know. Maybe I'll find out when I finish this last piece of pizza...

Sorry, I haven't posted in a while, but I just got a new job at a rockin' coffee house in the Colony called Java Haus. I'm really excited about it because it will give me an opportunity to hook up with some Colony folks and be around the sweetest aroma ever created...coffee! I think I have problem...maybe no...maybe so...anyway. As I was thinking about my job and the other folks that work there, I made a few observations. Here they are.

1. I'm the only one at the coffee house who has ever actually owned and worn a pair of parachute pants.

2. I know that a Flock of Seagulls is more than just a group of birds.

3. I was once the PROUD owner of Thriller.

4. I do not have a curfew.

5. New Kids on the Block not NSync...nuff said.

Yes, I am the oldest one in the shop, other than the people who own it. Although I am the old man of the bunch, I cannot feel any more excited than I do to have the opportunity to serve our Lord by making coffee. I look forward to the relationships that the Lord will help me to build there and the stories that I will hear.

Until next time...I'm off to go break dance.

The morning awoke weary and sudden
As you walked with your first born
To God's mountain.

With faith in your feet
And hope in sight,
You knew everything would be alright.

"Where are we going, dad,"
Your precious son said.
"To offer up my lamb," you replied.

On the altar you had prepared,
His body you laid; assured
his life would be spared.

With the knife in hand, you raised your arm.
"Wait! Here I am,"
"Look, there is your lamb."


Abraham, what an incredible man of faith. I was reminded these last few days that I still have much to learn about faith. Abraham walked with his first born son, his heir, to a place where he would lay him down as an offering to God. However, just in time, as God always is, He stopped Abraham, providing a substitutionary sacrifice, a lamb stuck in the thicket. Abraham found favor in God's sight because Abraham was willing to lay down what was most valuable to him, his son.

As I was reflecting on Gracelyn going to the doctor and having the clot drained from her cheek, I was reminded why I was struggling so much with it. I could not control it. I couldn't fix it. I had to leave her in the hands of another.

Abraham, with the knife in his hands, too left his child in the hands of another.

I still have much to learn about faith. I hold on too tightly. I attempt to control things that I shouldn't. I am certain more tests of faith will come. May God continue to teach me that faith involves releasing control of those things we love the most.

Thank you all for your prayers for Gracelyn. She is doing very well. I am not only encouraged by her resilience, but am thankful because God thinks of a four year old. He consistently reminded me throughout this that He loved her, and she was His daughter before she was ever mine.

I give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever!

I would very much appreciate it if all of you who read this would pray for my little girl, Gracelyn. She is having surgery tomorrow morning to drain a hematoma from her left cheek. Thank you for taking this to the Lord on her behalf. I look forward to sharing with you what the Lord teaches all of us through this.

This past Saturday, Berry, Mark, and I were at a work day at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church (the church who rents us space on Sunday nights). We were asked to dig a hole for a tree that was going to be replanted. As we were digging, God began to give me a picture. It was as if He was using this experience to teach me something. So, I want to take a few minutes just to share with you some things that God taught me and is teaching me from that experience.

1. Digging is before planting.
When I came out to North Dallas, I thought I was coming to plant Resonance. However, Saturday I realized that I was a step ahead of God. It was like I was trying to plant a tree in a hole that did not exist yet. I have at times felt very frustrated because either this hasn't progressed as quickly as I would have liked, or I have been frustrated as a result of so much change in such a short time period. Saturday, God showed me that this is a slow, dirty, painstaking process. Digging is the initial step. We must break new ground. Penetrate areas with the Gospel that haven't been penetrated before. Also, we must be willing to dig deeper in our relationship with God. This process is not only about me reaching out to others. It is about God shaping me into what He wants.

2. Digging is Dirty Work
After I got home from the work day, my hands and clothes were filthy. Also, I had just as much dirt in my mouth as I did on my hands. Any work that involves close contact is dirty work. That is what is going on here. We are small, but we are close. As a result of that there will be dirty times. Times of frustration, disappointment, depression. That's not what you read in "Church Growth" or Church Planting books. I remember reading those books and walking away from them thinking, "Well, we'll do some advertising and canvassing, and then people will show up." That is not the case, nor (in my opinion) should it be. We must walk into the dirt in people's lives and get in the hole with them. We must be intimately involved in each other's lives. I'm sure if I had stood ten yards away from the hole and told Berry and Mark what to do while I drank lemonade, they would have started chunking clods at me. We can't just sit aside and tell each other what to do or stand outside people's lives and tell them what they need. We must be willing to get dirty.

3. Dig and Dig Again
After about an hour, we thought that we were done digging our hole. However, we were wrong. One of the elders from the church informed us that we probably should double the diameter of our hole. It was as if he had picked up the shovel and smacked me right in the mouth with it. How would you feel? You have spent almost an hour digging a hole that you were proud of and then you find out it's not right. Now, I wasn't angry at him...just disappointed...I was tired. At times during this journey we have realized that we need to adjust. It isn't easy to adjust. I mean, we've already all been working so hard, but we must be flexible and remember that we are digging for God. This isn't about us. We are working for Him. So, when He says go deeper or wider or slower or faster or longer or shorter, we must do it, remembering always that He has the finished product in mind.

4. Be a Shovel
We were equipped with two different types of shovels while digging...a spade and a sharp shooter. The spade is used for scooping dirt, and the sharp shooter is used for penetrating the ground. Imagine what the work would have been like if we had a plastic beach shovel or a spoon or worse yet our hands. We were equipped with the right instrument. While we are on this journey as "diggers for the King" we must realize that we aren't the ones holding the shovel. We are the shovel. We must allow God to use us to dig. Furthermore, we must be the kind of shovel that He has called us to be. Some of us are sharp shooters and some of us are spades. If I am expecting Berry or Mark or Mike or anyone else to do things the way I do them, then I am wrong. I must consistently be sensitive to be the type of shovel that God has called me to be. Lord, here am I dig with me. May I be the proper instrument in His hands!

I hope that all of you regardless of where you are and what you are doing for our master recognize the value of what you are doing for the Kingdom. He wants to use you. We must all continue to remember Romans 6:13 "Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness."

We are instruments, but are we instruments of wickedness or righteousness.

I know it's a day late, but this is pretty interesting. Check out the history of April Fools Day.

Last night Kristi, Gracelyn, and I were on our way back home after a trek to the local Wal-Mart, when Gracelyn said, "You know why we have the bestest family?"

Kristi inquired, "why?"

Gracelyn then replied, "because we love each other."

Gracelyn seems to be a source of wisdom often for me. Although Gracelyn said very little, her words still resonate in my heart today. She knows that we love each other. She can feel it. This love isn't just a love that lets her do whatever she wants whenever she wants at the expense of everyone else. This love has boundaries. Sometimes it disciplines, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it comforts. It forgives, it listens, it gives... To her, this is what characterizes our family.

The church is supposed to be a family right? If so, then what should characterize it? Jesus says in John 13:34, 35 that all men will know we are His followers if we love one another as He loved us.

Love should characterize our church/our family. This love isn't just a love that says, "you do whatever you want, and I will love you." This love has boundaries. Sometimes it disciplines, sometimes it comforts, it forgives, listens, gives...Yes, it is true that we should love each other regardless of what we do, but letting someone do whatever they want, isn't love. That is being a poor steward of the relationship that God has allowed us to be a part of. We must consistently find ways to love each other the way that we have been loved by our Creator.

I hope that we will all be able to say to each other, "You know what makes us the bestest church family...we love each other."

May God bless you and keep you today, and may He give you the courage to love one another as He loved you through Jesus.

Ok...with all this pressure to blog, I don't know if I can perform. It's almost like when I go into the bathroom to urinate and there is some guy at the urinal right next to me. I get nervous...I can't go. I keep telling myself, "go already. this guy's gonna think you're some weirdo." Then when he walks out I am finally able to go. So, in other words. You guys get out of the bathroom!

Blog coming soon, so please stay tuned...

Kristi and I were having a conversation the other evening about a conversation that she had with a woman at work regarding the movie by Mel Gibson, the Passion of the Christ. This woman was very upset about the portayal of Christ in the film because all she saw was suffering. She kept saying, "What's the purpose? People still suffer today."

I was thinking about this today as I was reading through 1 Peter, and I didn't find a whole lot of answers as to why suffering still happens today. In fact, I don't think that when Peter wrote his letter that he wanted to explain specifically why people suffer. It seems that his purpose was to encourage them that they are not alone. They suffer as Christ suffered, and they should have hope because just as Christ was glorified after his suffering, so they too will be when salvation comes in its completion.

so, I'm not completely sure why many suffer today, but I do know that Jesus has not left us alone in our suffering. We can be encouraged that Jesus suffered as we suffer. We can also be encouraged that our brothers and sisters around the world endure suffering as well. So, I don't think we should try to explain why we suffer. We can't. It is a mystery. However, there is peace in knowing that we are not alone.

Whatever it is that you are suffering through, I want you to know that I suffer as well. I get discouraged, afraid, confused, and weary. I want you to know the same thing that Peter wanted his readers to know: Suffering is part of the refining process of our faith (1 Peter 1:7). In the midst of our suffering, we must purpose to have the same humble mind as Christ (1 Peter 4:1ff). Let's continue to cast all of our concerns on the God who cares for us, knowing that in His time He will exalt us, just as He did with Christ (1 Peter 5:6, 7). Finally, let's continually remind ourselves that the God of all grace, who called us for His purpose and His glory will restore us, make us strong, firm, and steadfast. (1 Peter 5:10). For His is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever. AMEN!

It amazes me how much we do for God on accident. We go to the grocery store, and it just so happens that even though we were only going for some bread, we wind up discussing spiritual matters with someone in the parking lot. Or, we go walk the dog because she won't shut up, and the neighbor asks about church. None of these things are ever planned. We just sort of trip over them.

Tonight at FUEL we were looking at John 4 where Jesus meets the Samaritan woman at the well. Upon first look it looks like Jesus was thirsty, so he went to get a drink of water from the well. However, Mike, reminded me tonight that Jesus went there on purpose. He went there purposefully to meet the woman at the well, knowing that He would have the opportunity to share His message with her. She, however, was only going to get a drink.

This reminded me of how strategic Jesus was about his mission from God. Nothing he did was done accidentally. Then, I began to think about how so often in my life I had thought differently. I would walk into church and wonder sometimes, "where is everyone...why aren't they here. This is something they really need!" When all along they were all at the wells, going along with there normal, everyday life. Then, it hit me! I must go meet the people at the wells. I must go there for the intent purpose of fulfilling God's mission for my life..."make disciples." I must go to the grocery store because that is where the "well" dwellers hang out. I must go take my dog for a walk when all of the other "well" dwellers take their dogs for walks. I must make a consistent effort to go meet people at their wells, so that I can give them a drink of something that will cure their thirst forever. I must go, and go on purpose.

You've probably heard the expression, "I've got a little junk in the trunk." Well, I'm starting a new one: "I've got vomit in the backseat." The problem with this expression though is that it is true.

A couple of weeks ago while I was driving Gracelyn home from school, she wasn't feeling well, and she said, "Daddy, I think I need to frowup (throw up...sometimes she has trouble with "th")." So, I with all of the fatherly wisdom I have learned over the years, said, "You'll be ok. Just take a drink of water." Since I am her father and she trusts me, she did just that. Then the frow was up. I heard it and smelled it simutaneously. Gracelyn had vomited all over the back floorboard, herself, and her car seat. Because we were in the middle of the road, there was no where to stop, so by the time we got home it had soaked into the carpet, her car seat, and her clothes. So, I gingerly lifted her up without touching her to my body, as I usually carry her because I didn't want vomit on me. (I know you're thinking, "what a horribly vain man." well...yes I am). So, I carried her in the house to give her a bath and clean her up, all the while vomit was drying in my back seat. Finally when my wife got home, I went out to my truck and began to clean the vomit up...man, was the odor stout! It almost burned my nose to inhale it (but I didn't inhale...I promise). Now, let me make something clear: cleaning it up just meant wiping up the vomit with a towel and spraying some Febreeze in my back seat area to attempt to cover up the odor. It didn't work. So, for the past few days, up until today, I had been driving in a truck surrounded by the odor of old vomit...you know the odor never really changes.

However, things changed today. I put an air freshener on my rear view mirror, and the odor was covered. So, on my way home today, I was reminded that just because the odor was gone, the vomit really was still there because it hadn't properly been cleaned. Then, it hit me. I often to the same thing with sin!!!

I do the best I can to cover it up with sweet smelling Christian jargon, while not really dealing with the sin...allowing God to clean it completely. As I thought about this it reminded me of David and how he did the same thing. He had committed adultery with Bathsheba and attempted to cover it up. However, he came to the point where he had to allow himself to be confronted with the presence of his vomit; thus, he wrote Ps. 51.

PS 51:1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

PS 51:2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

PS 51:3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

You see, our sin is always before us, as long as we cover it up with sweet smelling words. At some point we all must go before God and ask Him to clean us. He is the only one who can clean up the vomit that we cover up.

May you all experience the cleansing of God today!

Shadow is a good dog. Her hair is black like coal and her nose as cold as the bathtub on a winter morning. Her legs don't move as quickly as they once did and there is a little more grey around her face than when her body was smaller. But I guess with more grey comes more wisdom.

Tonight as I sat down at my computer and had an opportunity to think about all that has transpired this week, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to feel. Part of me wants to weep, but I'm not sure if I can find the tears. Part of me wants to scream, but I don't want to wake anyone up. Part of me wants to run, but my legs are too tired.

Then along comes shadow. When I didn't know what to feel or do, Shadow came and sat at my feet and accepted my hand upon her head. In all of my searching for feeling or doing, I found wisdom in an old black dog. You see, when I am not sure how to feel or what to do, I rest at the feet of my master and accept His hand upon my head. It is then and only then that I am comforted and can go and rest.

Maybe as more grey comes upon my head, I can learn wisdom from an old black dog and receive my master's hand.

Yea, that's the spot.

I write tonight because my heart is heavy. The past couple of days a brother and sister in our Father have become ensnared and dragged away by their own evil desires. My heart aches not only for their misteps, but for the pain that they have experienced prior to this and since. I cannot go into greater detail, but please pray for them. I am afraid that they will compound several poor choices with another.

Also, my heart is heavy for another co-laborer in the Lord who emailed me tonight, telling me of the attacks from the enemy that he has received lately. Please pray for him. He is a wonderful servant of the Lord Jesus. Pray that the Lord would replenish, sustain, and comfort him with the Holy Spirit, so that he may continue to serve the Lord with boldness.

Thank you for your prayers!

Lately, the Lord has been teaching me much about giving versus taking. He has reminded me that it is not the “church” that has become consumerized (interested in taking/getting). It is me. I am a consumer, but I like to blame the church because if I blame someone or something else, I come out clean. Therefore, I would like to take an interesting look at a parable that Jesus told. Although the parable’s purpose does not deal with consumerism, there are elements, characteristics of my consumer attitude that are there that I had never noticed until recently. This parable is the one about the compassionate father (some have called it “the two sons” and others “the prodigal son”). As I was thinking about this parable a while back, I found myself identifying with the prodigal son in ways that I had never before.

Luke 15:11-20

The Attitude of the Consumer: “Give me”

12 The younger one said to his father, `Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
LK 15:13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

The younger son was only interested in receiving. He wanted what was rightfully his, his inheritance from his father. He wanted to live the way he wanted, “wild living.” And he wanted people to feed him. However, after he had squandered what he had been given, he was left empty and hungry.

As I look back on my life, this is what I see many times. I want God to give me what I want. I want a church where I can get fed. I want to live the way I want to live. And when no one is willing to give to me any more, I am left empty and hungry. In other words, my life in this stage focuses primarily on what I can receive. When I have lived my life only seeking what I can get, I wind up in the same place as the younger son…hungry.

The Attitude of the Servant: “Use me.”

LK 15:17 "When he came to his senses, he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got up and went to his father.

Notice here the change in the son’s attitude. When he came to his senses, he decides to reconcile himself to his father. One of the ways he is going to do this is by making himself available to be used by his father (“make me like one of your hired men”). When the son left with his inheritance, he was essentially telling himself how worthy he was to get/to receive. However, this time, his attitude changes. His primary focus isn’t to receive from his father. He wants to give…He wants to be used. He is saying to his father, “Use me.”

My attitude, too, must change. I must stop telling God all of the things that He needs to give me. I must stop expecting churches to meet my needs, feed me. However, I must say to God, like Isaiah, “Here I am send me”…Use me…I must say to the church, my wife, my friends, strangers, “let me love you like Christ did and give myself up for you”…Use me.

Wisdom in the Grocery Store
After thinking about this parable, the Lord gave me the picture of a grocery store as an illustration of the attitude that He wants me to have.

When a consumer goes into the grocery store to buy a loaf of bread, he/she buys the loaf that he/she desires to use. You see, I have always seen myself as this consumer; however, I am the loaf of bread. I am the tool that God desires to use to help accomplish the purposes of His Kingdom here on earth. He is the consumer…the user. He desires me to be consumed for His desires.

Therefore, like the prodigal son, I must return to my Father with a changed heart, ready to be used by Him as His servant.

Here I am, Lord, your loaf of bread. What kind of sandwich would you like?

Last Sunday, Berry, Mark, Justin, and I went and sat under the teaching of Brennan Manning. He said many things that took residence in my heart, but one story he told in particular struck a chord in me. He recited the story of The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. His premise was that we should all have a story and tell it. However, when he finished the story, I saw myself in the story. Here is the story of the giving tree.

Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree very much. And the tree was happy. But time went by. And the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone. Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." "I am too big to climb and play," said the boy. "I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?" "I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy." And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy." "I'm too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm," he said. "I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house?" "I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy." And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. "Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play." "I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?" "Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away and be happy." And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy...but not really. After a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you--My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing from them--" "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb--" "I am too tired to climb," siad the boy. "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry..." "I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump IS good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy. (The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein (C) 1964 by Evil Eye Music, Inc. Harper Collins Publishers).

You see, I have always been the boy. I have always been the one who takes. This mentality has led to how I've "done church" all my life. It has always been about what can the church give to me. Well, here is the problem. I am the church. I am the Bride of Christ. I should be the Giving Tree. One day maybe I will learn to give away all that I have that holds value, ultimately to become a resting place for those who never found happiness in all of their taking.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matt. 10:39)

Life is truly found when we are willing to become stumps!!! (hmmm, what a backwards principle)

When I was in elementary school, my pappaw (grandfather) used to take me to church to this thing called royal ambassadors. I really have no idea what it really meant or what it was about. All I know is that we would build the cars and race them down a track. Mine very rarely won because my wheels always seemed to be crooked. I can't really tell you anything else about what we did or what I learned because it really all seems to be a bit of a blur (as many things are now days.)

It seems to me that this is the case for many of us today when we see the word "ambassador." We really aren't sure what it means or what it looks like. Some of us picture a political ambassador. Some, like me, picture some type of church organization. I had not thought much about this word until I had a conversation with my siblings in the Faith this past weekend in Lubbock. Mark, Berry, Justin, and I drove down to pick up some furniture. Before we headed back this way, we ate lunch with Shane and his wife Amanda. As they often do, our conversations seemed to bounce in many directions, and God seemed to be saying, "what about this...have you ever thought about that?" So, it was cool to hear what the Lord was speaking to each of our hearts. One of the discussions that seemed to be quite stimulating involved the aforementioned word, "ambassadors." Shane was sharing with us some insights about a John Wimber tape that he had been listening to, and I'm not really sure how it came around to the topic of ambassadors, but it eventually did. There were some interesting insights that were discussed and some I have thought of since then that I'd like to invite you to chew on...

"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2 Cor. 5:20)

--An ambassador is one who represents someone else. Therefore, if we are ambassadors for Christ, we are not here for the sake of our own identity. We are not here to protect our own identity. We are here to protect the identity of Christ. He is the one we represent.

--An ambassador is not a citizen of the place he/she is an ambassador to. For example, if my citizenship is in America, but I am an ambassador to Israel, then I am not a citizen of that particular place. My citizenship is only in America. Therefore, everything I do, must be done in such a way as that I never lose sight of where my true citizenship exists. I may do things in such a way as that they will make sense to the particular place I am an ambassador to, but I do not LIVE there. I may learn the language and the customs, but I must always remember that those things are only for the purpose of better communicating the message I have been sent with. In the same way, we have been sent as ambassadors of the King. It is as if God makes His plea through us. It is His message, but we must learn was to communicate in such a way that it will be understood by those who receive the message. However, in the midst of all of this, we must realize that our citizenship is not of this land. We an not residents of "this world." We are residents of the kingdom. We are truly aliens and strangers (1 Pet. 2:11). Since we are ambassadors of the King, we are in a foreign, hostile land. We have crossed enemy lines. So, we must continue to abstain from the things that will cause us to appear as if we are citizens here.

--An ambassador is immune to the laws of the country he/she is an ambassador to. In other words, when one is an ambassador from the US to Israel, he/she is not bound by Israel's laws. He/she is bound by US laws. We too are not bound by the laws that govern this world. The laws that govern this world are independence, lust, greed, selfishness, etc. As ambassadors of Christ we are bound by the laws of the Kingdom, which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22). Although the representatives of this world may tell us that we must abide by these laws if our life is to be "all it is meant to be," we must remember that it is the law of the Kingdom that we must abide by. Besides, we must remember that in this world, our lives will never be what they are meant to be...we don't belong here; our lives will be what they are meant to be when we are back home.

Since we are ambassadors, tension will always exist. We are in between two worlds: the Kingdom and this world. Since there will always be tension, things will not always make sense. There will be loss. There will be tears. There will be times when we forget where our citizenship is. Therefore, we must continue to remind ourselves that this world is not about ME. It is not about MY desires...MY dreams, etc. We are here as representatives of Christ. Therefore, we must allow Him to shape our desires and dreams, remembering consistently to pursue reconciliation with God because He is making His plea through us.

Continue on Fellow Ambassadors!

I had the wonderful privilege of partaking of some tasty Chinese food with a fellow servant of the Most High, Justin Nygren who shepherds a flock at Mars Hill in Richardson. Justin is an incredible brutha in the faith who has contagious passion and vision for the church. It was refreshing to sit and listen to his vision. Check out his blog tribalicious. I can promise you that you will browse away from it with a smile on your face and thoughts bouncing in your brain. What a privilege it is to be his brother in Christ. I look forward to our continued conversations.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:3-6)

You are in my prayers brutha!

"No, daddy! Nooo, daaaaddyyyyyy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gracelyn screamed as I turned off the television.

"If you are not going to listen to me, then you cannot watch television." I exclaimed in my look-at-me-I'm-a-tough-father voice.

Yes, that was the tragedy in my house tonight. I turned off the television, and Gracelyn came unglued, undone. She would not listen to me, so I redirected her focus. As I was thinking about that it reminded me of something my Father has been teaching me about lately. In order for me to see Him and listen to Him, He had to remove some things.

I wonder if I were having a conversation with Isaiah, he would say something like, "Dude, (I think he'd use "dude") I completely understand how you are feeling because I was there. I remember it as if it were yesterday...It was in the year that King Uzziah died..."

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah describes a time when the old order had passed away and God showed Himself to Isaiah. Prior to Uzziah dying, Israel had experienced a time of great national pride and glory. However, with the death of Uzziah, the king, the future of Israel was uncertain.

This is a time in my life when past ministerial successes have come to an end. The reality has set in that the call to plant Resonance is here. However, it is still uncertain. I can no longer lean on the old ministries that I once did. I have come to realize that I had been on cruise control up until now. I had this ministry thing down. I knew my routine. I was on the top of my game...it was good (so I thought). So good that I don't know if God was filling my sails or if I was row, row, rowing the boat myself (let me just say that my arms were tired). Needless to say, things were going smoothly, and I could predict, for the most part, what could happen. However, now those past Uzziahs are dead and the future is uncertain.

It was after Uzziah died that Isaiah saw the Lord in all of His splendor. Isaiah saw God seated on His throne, and his ears were filled with the ceaseless cries of the seraphim as they worshipped God. As a result of what Isaiah saw and heard, he was left undone. Because of being in the presence of God and realizing His filth before God, Isaiah knew that He was doomed. When the king died, Isaiah saw The King. Realizing his unworthiness, Isaiah was undone.

Now that those things that I trusted in for sustenance have been removed, I now must trust in The Sustainer. I never noticed how much I depended on the act of doing ministry to satisfy my hunger for significance as much as I did, but now that those tasks have been removed, He reminds me that ministry for Him is not what I can do for Him, but it is what He can do to me, through me and who He is to me. It is not as much about what I am working on for Him as it is about what He is working on in me. In other words, ministry should not be about me. It has to be completely about Him. I am the one He uses...I am the weapon, the tool, the servant. Thinking of this reminds me how truly unworthy I am to be in His presence, to be used by Him, to commune with Him, but the truth is that He has called me. I am not sure why, but He has! Although, I often try to talk Him out of it, He will have none of it. I am truly amazed that the Creator of the universe who needs no one to help Him in His plans has chosen to use me. However, I am still fearful of being used by Him. I am not quite ready to say, "Here am I, send me."

But wait, what is that in the distance I see? Is it a set of tongs with a burning coal on it?

Well, I am awake because I drank so much caffeine tonight that I will not sleep for days. In fact, it is as if I can feel the caffeine dancing in my stomach. Wow! Maybe I drank too much? No, I don't have a problem...it's...it's only caffeine...I mean I can quit anytime. Ok, I know I'm sorry...If you've ever drank too much caffeine, you understand my ramblings. And, yes, I am actually talking to myself right now...yes, it is sad. Ok...

I hooked up with some emerging church thinkers tonight at the Indie Allies Meetup at Insomnia Coffee Bar in Deep Ellum. Great stuff! It was wonderful listening and sharing vision for "doing church" in this generation. I am looking forward to more upcoming dialogue. It is so wonderful experiencing the bigger Body of Christ!

Isecurity
Lies next to me.
"Look into my eyes,"
He says, "I want to tell you lies."

"You aren't good enough."
"You might as well give up."
His voice echoes inside my head.
If I could just turn this thought light to red.

Why do I listen to his words?
He never says anything I haven't heard.
Still I listen anyway,
Hoping soon he will go away

"You are not welcome here!" I shout,
Hoping that will scare him out,
But I know relief is only temporary
Because he shows up when I'm weary

So all I can do when
I'm befriended by burdens
Is rest my head on the One
Who bids me, "Come."

This Resurrected King
Heals insecurity