Just Thinking

The story behind the song.

Thanks Len.

You are a Mystic, known for your imaginative, intuitive spirituality. You value peace, harmony, and inner silence. Mystics are nurtured by walking alone in the woods or sitting quietly with a trusted friend. You may also enjoy poetry, meditation, wordless prayer, candles, art, books, and anything else that helps you connect with God.

Mystics experience God best through rich images and symbols. You are contemplative, introspective, intuitive, and focused on an inner world as real to you as the exterior one. Hearing from God is more important to you than speaking to God. Others may attribute human characteristics to God, but you see God as ineffable, unnamable, and more vast than any known category. You are intrigued by God's mystery.

Mystics want to inspire and persuade others, and need to live lives of significance. At times you push the envelope of spirituality, helping the rest of us imagine who we might become if we followed your lead.

Sometimes you may feel a bit guilty about your need for solitude and silence. If so, you probably have bought into the American myth that says being alone and doing nothing is lazy, antisocial, and unproductive. Stop it -- now. Give yourself permission to retreat and be alone. It's essential for your well-being.

On the other hand, don't get so carried away retreating that you become a recluse. That only deprives the world of your gifts and deprives you of the lessons that come from being with others. Some Mystics may have a true vocation for solitary prayer, but the rest of you need to alternate retreat time with involvement and interaction.

Spiritual Type Test

Well, I'm not too sure why I'm posting because I don't really want to. In fact these days I don't want to do much of anything. I am tired. I am burned out. I am weak. I am an oxymoron...or maybe just a moron :). I have been overcome with struggles lately. Without going into specific detail, let's just say that the enemy continues to prowl around me like a roaring lion, waiting to devour me. There are parts of me that want to shoot him, engage him, vanquish him. However, I don't have the strength. There are parts of me that want to give up, lie down, be over-taken. I don't want to be overly negative, but I don't want to be fraudulently positive either. I am struggling. I want to stop...get out of this funk. But I don't know how. I don't know if I really want to get out of it. I pray that God would guard my heart right now because I don't have the strength to. I pray that God would join me with others who struggle because I don't know if I could take the condemnation of those who don't, or at least don't admit to it.

Please forgive the self-pity. At this point, I'm bathing in it, and it's warm...dirty...but warm.

Here are a couple of things I've written over the last few months.

Fast Pace:
Empty spaces
On crowded faces
Where will you walk?

Tainted traces
Of all God's graces
Too tired to talk

Stop.
Rest.
From life's listless races.

Here's another one written while waiting for my flight at Dallas Love Field.

Gate Six:
Gate six
Just tasted my caffeine fix
Yea, I'm awake,
But is that what it takes
To see
To read
Between the lines
of the signs of the times?
To write
To weave
Lines with simple rhymes?
Is it me
Or just the caffeine?

"Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I don’t know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels"

Ok...nothing like taking something out of context to prove a point....please forgive me. In 1977, Jackson Browne released the album, "Running on Empty", and on that album, the title track, by the same name appeared. Although, Jackson Browne did not intend, at least I think, to make the point that I want to make at this point, but what I am going to say does seem crazy according to the wisdom of this world.

As the road rushes beneath our wheels, one of the places that many of us stop is "Rightsville". Rightsville has a large population, but no one else believes that anyone else exists there because everyone only cares about "one", forsaking "any" and "every". Rightsville is defended by the army of oneself, defeating those who tread on someone else's individual liberties.

I know this place because I own a home there. In fact I often stop there wandering through the streets of my accomplishments, degrees, status, and rights. However, I have found that Rightsville is a lonely place.

Jesus knew the danger of visiting a place like Rightsville. In fact, He encourages us to move out of Rightsville, encouraging us to empty ourselves, like He did, of our so-called rights.

Philippians 2:5-11 (The Message)

The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

5Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. 6He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. 7Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! 8Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.

9Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, 10so that all created beings in heaven and on earth--even those long ago dead and buried--will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, 11and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.

Jesus could have laid claim to His rights as the Son of God, but He chose not to take advantage of His position, humbling Himself, taking the form of a human servant. He did this to rescue those in Rightsville. My prayer is that I would have His same attitude-that I would empty myself of my rights to pursue unity, to pursue relationships with others. My prayer is that I would learn to run on empty.

Well, blog, I know that I have not spent time with you lately. I am sorry that I have avoided you. I've been so busy that I have not had time to cultivate our relationship...too busy...will I ever not be too busy? Besides who is in control of my schedule? Don't I say yes or no. Ok, anyway, I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but I felt like so much had already gone unsaid. I know that I told you last month that we would talk some more, so I am sorry.

Enough of that. It's been weird. It's like I've had too much to blog about. I wasn't sure where to begin. So, here is what's been on my mind lately. I have become a slave to time. I have allowed myself to get over-extended. It has occurred to me that I don't have the ability to say "no"...or at least ask for help. This has always been a problem with me; I've always tried to be self-sufficient. As a result of my busyness, I have not created time for the cultivation of relationships. Why is it that I get so wrapped up in executing tasks? I am willing to put relationships on the back-burner in order to complete a task, but I am not willing to put a task on the back-burner to cultivate a relationship. It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that this is a common occurrence. What would happen if people started cutting back on the doing so that they could be in relationship? What would the church be like if people said no to task and yes to each other?

Well, there, I've broken the silence.

Well, I am finally back on the blogosphere. I am sorry that I have been silent for so long, but I have not had internet capability (very frustrating). You never really know how much you rely on something until it is no longer there. Anyway, there is much that has changed and much the Lord has been teaching me since I posted last. I will post specifics later. I just wanted to send a brief shout out (shout out? is it cool to say that anymore?) to let all of you know that I'm back...I know that you were all waiting on the edge of your seats. Well, no need to wait much longer.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 88% Fundamentalist 69% Postmodernist 50% Romanticist 50% Modernist 19% Existentialist 13% Idealist 13% Materialist 6% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfuits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies (Rom. 8:22,23).

In high school I ran the 100 meters, a race that requires a responsive start as soon as the starting pistol fires. If you stumble out of the blocks or hesitate, you are sure to lose. So, as the starter barks out, "on the mark, get set..." I waited ready to explode out of the starting blocks like a shaken bottle of soda. As soon as the pistol fired, there was no hesitation, I was gone.

In the above passage, the phrase, "wait eagerly" carries a similar meaning to this. The picture is that God's children are leaning forward, hanging on every word waiting for adoption. There is a picture of this idea in the book of John:

When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathaniel asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathaniel declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." (John 1:47-49)

Nathaniel had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Messiah. Jesus saw him while he was under the fig tree. Beneath a fig tree was often a place where a ribbi would teach or study. Also, the fig tree was symbolic for messianic peace and plenty. So, it appears that Nathaniel was sitting under the fig tree thinking upon the Messiah. He was readying himself. He was in the starting blocks. When the Messiah appeared, Nathaniel was ready to follow. He began the race.

There are a couple of things that particularly stand out to me. First of all, although Nathaniel didn't know it, Jesus was watching him. Nathaniel couldn't see the Messiah, but the Messiah could see him. The Messiah was watching over Him like a shepherd does his flock. Secondly, Nathaniel was ready to move when confronted with the Messiah. His heart had been leaning forward, ready to respond.

So, waiting is really a leaning forward, hanging on every word, ready to hear from the Word. Although we do not see Him, He sees us, and at the appointed time He reveals Himself to us. If our hearts are ready, we will be ready to respond, ready to begin the race.

[Bands] don’t survive by accident. It takes will, intent, a sense of shared purpose and a tolerance for your friends' fallibilities and they of yours.

This is taken from Bruce Springsteen's induction speech that he gave for U2 on their induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As soon as I heard this line, I was floored because it sent waves to my heart that found their way to my brain, and I immediately thought to my self, "this is not only true of bands...it's also true of the community that God has placed each of us in." In reality, this is a great definition of what biblical fellowship, as I see it, looks like.

Our communities do not stay together by accident. It takes will, (His will), intent (intentionality...making time for each other), a shared purpose (joining with one another in the advancement of His kingdom...not our own), and tolerance for one another's fallibilities (forgiving one another as He has forgiven us).

Wow! We all could learn much from U2...whether you like their political views or not...whether you like their music or not. What Bruce Springsteen said is true of them. I hope that the same can be said about our churches someday!

You can read the speech here.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)

I was speaking today with another teacher, and we were talking about gaining recognition at work and winning awards. I was telling her how there is part of me that really wants to receive some kind of recognition for a job well done, but I just don't want to give up my family and work endless hours in order to receive such recognition. After I said that, her comment hit me like cold water in the face. She said, "I've got a room full of trophies, but no one to share my life with." It seemed as if I could feel the emptiness that she spoke of. From the way she said it, I knew that she was willing to trade all of her trophies in for someone to share her life with.

What trophies are we chasing? What are we treasuring...prizes or relationships? With whom are we sharing our lives?

I wonder if storing treasures in heaven means sharing our lives (fellowship/koinonia) with someone else.

Wow, I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted!!!! So much has changed.

Here's the skinny:

I just recently, within the last month, started a job at Curtis Middle School in Allen, TX, where I am teaching 8th grade English and also serving as the assistant 8th grade cheerleading coach...yes, I am coaching cheerleading! When you take over in the middle of the year, there are certain things that you inherit.

Kristi, Gracelyn, Caleb, and I are still living in Plano, serving with Apartment Life as a CARES Team at an apartment community there.

I am also still serving at Resonance as a chord weaver (musician).

God has been teaching me so much during this time of more transition, and it has been refreshing, yet difficult to move back into the "working" world. I do miss parts of working "inside" the walls of a church building...doing church-type stuff, but I believe that God has commissioned me to be more intentional about being outside those walls. So, here I am on my lunch break awaiting my 8th grade, hormone-driven students. They have recently taught me much about patience! I look forward to what they will teach me today.

I hope to get back to blogging regularly now that I have gotten accustomed to the new pace of my life.

Let me close with a blessing that I read from Paul this week in his letter to the Romans that struck a chord in my spirit:

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Rom. 15:5,6)