Last Sunday, Berry, Mark, Justin, and I went and sat under the teaching of Brennan Manning. He said many things that took residence in my heart, but one story he told in particular struck a chord in me. He recited the story of The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. His premise was that we should all have a story and tell it. However, when he finished the story, I saw myself in the story. Here is the story of the giving tree.
Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree very much. And the tree was happy. But time went by. And the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone. Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." "I am too big to climb and play," said the boy. "I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?" "I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy." And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy." "I'm too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm," he said. "I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house?" "I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy." And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. "Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play." "I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?" "Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away and be happy." And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy...but not really. After a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you--My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing from them--" "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb--" "I am too tired to climb," siad the boy. "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry..." "I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump IS good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy. (The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein (C) 1964 by Evil Eye Music, Inc. Harper Collins Publishers).
You see, I have always been the boy. I have always been the one who takes. This mentality has led to how I've "done church" all my life. It has always been about what can the church give to me. Well, here is the problem. I am the church. I am the Bride of Christ. I should be the Giving Tree. One day maybe I will learn to give away all that I have that holds value, ultimately to become a resting place for those who never found happiness in all of their taking.
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matt. 10:39)
Life is truly found when we are willing to become stumps!!! (hmmm, what a backwards principle)
When I was in elementary school, my pappaw (grandfather) used to take me to church to this thing called royal ambassadors. I really have no idea what it really meant or what it was about. All I know is that we would build the cars and race them down a track. Mine very rarely won because my wheels always seemed to be crooked. I can't really tell you anything else about what we did or what I learned because it really all seems to be a bit of a blur (as many things are now days.)
It seems to me that this is the case for many of us today when we see the word "ambassador." We really aren't sure what it means or what it looks like. Some of us picture a political ambassador. Some, like me, picture some type of church organization. I had not thought much about this word until I had a conversation with my siblings in the Faith this past weekend in Lubbock. Mark, Berry, Justin, and I drove down to pick up some furniture. Before we headed back this way, we ate lunch with Shane and his wife Amanda. As they often do, our conversations seemed to bounce in many directions, and God seemed to be saying, "what about this...have you ever thought about that?" So, it was cool to hear what the Lord was speaking to each of our hearts. One of the discussions that seemed to be quite stimulating involved the aforementioned word, "ambassadors." Shane was sharing with us some insights about a John Wimber tape that he had been listening to, and I'm not really sure how it came around to the topic of ambassadors, but it eventually did. There were some interesting insights that were discussed and some I have thought of since then that I'd like to invite you to chew on...
"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2 Cor. 5:20)
--An ambassador is one who represents someone else. Therefore, if we are ambassadors for Christ, we are not here for the sake of our own identity. We are not here to protect our own identity. We are here to protect the identity of Christ. He is the one we represent.
--An ambassador is not a citizen of the place he/she is an ambassador to. For example, if my citizenship is in America, but I am an ambassador to Israel, then I am not a citizen of that particular place. My citizenship is only in America. Therefore, everything I do, must be done in such a way as that I never lose sight of where my true citizenship exists. I may do things in such a way as that they will make sense to the particular place I am an ambassador to, but I do not LIVE there. I may learn the language and the customs, but I must always remember that those things are only for the purpose of better communicating the message I have been sent with. In the same way, we have been sent as ambassadors of the King. It is as if God makes His plea through us. It is His message, but we must learn was to communicate in such a way that it will be understood by those who receive the message. However, in the midst of all of this, we must realize that our citizenship is not of this land. We an not residents of "this world." We are residents of the kingdom. We are truly aliens and strangers (1 Pet. 2:11). Since we are ambassadors of the King, we are in a foreign, hostile land. We have crossed enemy lines. So, we must continue to abstain from the things that will cause us to appear as if we are citizens here.
--An ambassador is immune to the laws of the country he/she is an ambassador to. In other words, when one is an ambassador from the US to Israel, he/she is not bound by Israel's laws. He/she is bound by US laws. We too are not bound by the laws that govern this world. The laws that govern this world are independence, lust, greed, selfishness, etc. As ambassadors of Christ we are bound by the laws of the Kingdom, which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22). Although the representatives of this world may tell us that we must abide by these laws if our life is to be "all it is meant to be," we must remember that it is the law of the Kingdom that we must abide by. Besides, we must remember that in this world, our lives will never be what they are meant to be...we don't belong here; our lives will be what they are meant to be when we are back home.
Since we are ambassadors, tension will always exist. We are in between two worlds: the Kingdom and this world. Since there will always be tension, things will not always make sense. There will be loss. There will be tears. There will be times when we forget where our citizenship is. Therefore, we must continue to remind ourselves that this world is not about ME. It is not about MY desires...MY dreams, etc. We are here as representatives of Christ. Therefore, we must allow Him to shape our desires and dreams, remembering consistently to pursue reconciliation with God because He is making His plea through us.
Continue on Fellow Ambassadors!
I had the wonderful privilege of partaking of some tasty Chinese food with a fellow servant of the Most High, Justin Nygren who shepherds a flock at Mars Hill in Richardson. Justin is an incredible brutha in the faith who has contagious passion and vision for the church. It was refreshing to sit and listen to his vision. Check out his blog tribalicious. I can promise you that you will browse away from it with a smile on your face and thoughts bouncing in your brain. What a privilege it is to be his brother in Christ. I look forward to our continued conversations.
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:3-6)
You are in my prayers brutha!
"No, daddy! Nooo, daaaaddyyyyyy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gracelyn screamed as I turned off the television.
"If you are not going to listen to me, then you cannot watch television." I exclaimed in my look-at-me-I'm-a-tough-father voice.
Yes, that was the tragedy in my house tonight. I turned off the television, and Gracelyn came unglued, undone. She would not listen to me, so I redirected her focus. As I was thinking about that it reminded me of something my Father has been teaching me about lately. In order for me to see Him and listen to Him, He had to remove some things.
I wonder if I were having a conversation with Isaiah, he would say something like, "Dude, (I think he'd use "dude") I completely understand how you are feeling because I was there. I remember it as if it were yesterday...It was in the year that King Uzziah died..."
In Isaiah 6, Isaiah describes a time when the old order had passed away and God showed Himself to Isaiah. Prior to Uzziah dying, Israel had experienced a time of great national pride and glory. However, with the death of Uzziah, the king, the future of Israel was uncertain.
This is a time in my life when past ministerial successes have come to an end. The reality has set in that the call to plant Resonance is here. However, it is still uncertain. I can no longer lean on the old ministries that I once did. I have come to realize that I had been on cruise control up until now. I had this ministry thing down. I knew my routine. I was on the top of my game...it was good (so I thought). So good that I don't know if God was filling my sails or if I was row, row, rowing the boat myself (let me just say that my arms were tired). Needless to say, things were going smoothly, and I could predict, for the most part, what could happen. However, now those past Uzziahs are dead and the future is uncertain.
It was after Uzziah died that Isaiah saw the Lord in all of His splendor. Isaiah saw God seated on His throne, and his ears were filled with the ceaseless cries of the seraphim as they worshipped God. As a result of what Isaiah saw and heard, he was left undone. Because of being in the presence of God and realizing His filth before God, Isaiah knew that He was doomed. When the king died, Isaiah saw The King. Realizing his unworthiness, Isaiah was undone.
Now that those things that I trusted in for sustenance have been removed, I now must trust in The Sustainer. I never noticed how much I depended on the act of doing ministry to satisfy my hunger for significance as much as I did, but now that those tasks have been removed, He reminds me that ministry for Him is not what I can do for Him, but it is what He can do to me, through me and who He is to me. It is not as much about what I am working on for Him as it is about what He is working on in me. In other words, ministry should not be about me. It has to be completely about Him. I am the one He uses...I am the weapon, the tool, the servant. Thinking of this reminds me how truly unworthy I am to be in His presence, to be used by Him, to commune with Him, but the truth is that He has called me. I am not sure why, but He has! Although, I often try to talk Him out of it, He will have none of it. I am truly amazed that the Creator of the universe who needs no one to help Him in His plans has chosen to use me. However, I am still fearful of being used by Him. I am not quite ready to say, "Here am I, send me."
But wait, what is that in the distance I see? Is it a set of tongs with a burning coal on it?
Well, I am awake because I drank so much caffeine tonight that I will not sleep for days. In fact, it is as if I can feel the caffeine dancing in my stomach. Wow! Maybe I drank too much? No, I don't have a problem...it's...it's only caffeine...I mean I can quit anytime. Ok, I know I'm sorry...If you've ever drank too much caffeine, you understand my ramblings. And, yes, I am actually talking to myself right now...yes, it is sad. Ok...
I hooked up with some emerging church thinkers tonight at the Indie Allies Meetup at Insomnia Coffee Bar in Deep Ellum. Great stuff! It was wonderful listening and sharing vision for "doing church" in this generation. I am looking forward to more upcoming dialogue. It is so wonderful experiencing the bigger Body of Christ!
Isecurity
Lies next to me.
"Look into my eyes,"
He says, "I want to tell you lies."
"You aren't good enough."
"You might as well give up."
His voice echoes inside my head.
If I could just turn this thought light to red.
Why do I listen to his words?
He never says anything I haven't heard.
Still I listen anyway,
Hoping soon he will go away
"You are not welcome here!" I shout,
Hoping that will scare him out,
But I know relief is only temporary
Because he shows up when I'm weary
So all I can do when
I'm befriended by burdens
Is rest my head on the One
Who bids me, "Come."
This Resurrected King
Heals insecurity