Just Thinking

"No, daddy! Nooo, daaaaddyyyyyy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gracelyn screamed as I turned off the television.

"If you are not going to listen to me, then you cannot watch television." I exclaimed in my look-at-me-I'm-a-tough-father voice.

Yes, that was the tragedy in my house tonight. I turned off the television, and Gracelyn came unglued, undone. She would not listen to me, so I redirected her focus. As I was thinking about that it reminded me of something my Father has been teaching me about lately. In order for me to see Him and listen to Him, He had to remove some things.

I wonder if I were having a conversation with Isaiah, he would say something like, "Dude, (I think he'd use "dude") I completely understand how you are feeling because I was there. I remember it as if it were yesterday...It was in the year that King Uzziah died..."

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah describes a time when the old order had passed away and God showed Himself to Isaiah. Prior to Uzziah dying, Israel had experienced a time of great national pride and glory. However, with the death of Uzziah, the king, the future of Israel was uncertain.

This is a time in my life when past ministerial successes have come to an end. The reality has set in that the call to plant Resonance is here. However, it is still uncertain. I can no longer lean on the old ministries that I once did. I have come to realize that I had been on cruise control up until now. I had this ministry thing down. I knew my routine. I was on the top of my game...it was good (so I thought). So good that I don't know if God was filling my sails or if I was row, row, rowing the boat myself (let me just say that my arms were tired). Needless to say, things were going smoothly, and I could predict, for the most part, what could happen. However, now those past Uzziahs are dead and the future is uncertain.

It was after Uzziah died that Isaiah saw the Lord in all of His splendor. Isaiah saw God seated on His throne, and his ears were filled with the ceaseless cries of the seraphim as they worshipped God. As a result of what Isaiah saw and heard, he was left undone. Because of being in the presence of God and realizing His filth before God, Isaiah knew that He was doomed. When the king died, Isaiah saw The King. Realizing his unworthiness, Isaiah was undone.

Now that those things that I trusted in for sustenance have been removed, I now must trust in The Sustainer. I never noticed how much I depended on the act of doing ministry to satisfy my hunger for significance as much as I did, but now that those tasks have been removed, He reminds me that ministry for Him is not what I can do for Him, but it is what He can do to me, through me and who He is to me. It is not as much about what I am working on for Him as it is about what He is working on in me. In other words, ministry should not be about me. It has to be completely about Him. I am the one He uses...I am the weapon, the tool, the servant. Thinking of this reminds me how truly unworthy I am to be in His presence, to be used by Him, to commune with Him, but the truth is that He has called me. I am not sure why, but He has! Although, I often try to talk Him out of it, He will have none of it. I am truly amazed that the Creator of the universe who needs no one to help Him in His plans has chosen to use me. However, I am still fearful of being used by Him. I am not quite ready to say, "Here am I, send me."

But wait, what is that in the distance I see? Is it a set of tongs with a burning coal on it?