Well, I'm not too sure why I'm posting because I don't really want to. In fact these days I don't want to do much of anything. I am tired. I am burned out. I am weak. I am an oxymoron...or maybe just a moron :). I have been overcome with struggles lately. Without going into specific detail, let's just say that the enemy continues to prowl around me like a roaring lion, waiting to devour me. There are parts of me that want to shoot him, engage him, vanquish him. However, I don't have the strength. There are parts of me that want to give up, lie down, be over-taken. I don't want to be overly negative, but I don't want to be fraudulently positive either. I am struggling. I want to stop...get out of this funk. But I don't know how. I don't know if I really want to get out of it. I pray that God would guard my heart right now because I don't have the strength to. I pray that God would join me with others who struggle because I don't know if I could take the condemnation of those who don't, or at least don't admit to it.
Please forgive the self-pity. At this point, I'm bathing in it, and it's warm...dirty...but warm.
Here are a couple of things I've written over the last few months.
Fast Pace:
Empty spaces
On crowded faces
Where will you walk?
Tainted traces
Of all God's graces
Too tired to talk
Stop.
Rest.
From life's listless races.
Here's another one written while waiting for my flight at Dallas Love Field.
Gate Six:
Gate six
Just tasted my caffeine fix
Yea, I'm awake,
But is that what it takes
To see
To read
Between the lines
of the signs of the times?
To write
To weave
Lines with simple rhymes?
Is it me
Or just the caffeine?
"Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I don’t know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels"
Ok...nothing like taking something out of context to prove a point....please forgive me. In 1977, Jackson Browne released the album, "Running on Empty", and on that album, the title track, by the same name appeared. Although, Jackson Browne did not intend, at least I think, to make the point that I want to make at this point, but what I am going to say does seem crazy according to the wisdom of this world.
As the road rushes beneath our wheels, one of the places that many of us stop is "Rightsville". Rightsville has a large population, but no one else believes that anyone else exists there because everyone only cares about "one", forsaking "any" and "every". Rightsville is defended by the army of oneself, defeating those who tread on someone else's individual liberties.
I know this place because I own a home there. In fact I often stop there wandering through the streets of my accomplishments, degrees, status, and rights. However, I have found that Rightsville is a lonely place.
Jesus knew the danger of visiting a place like Rightsville. In fact, He encourages us to move out of Rightsville, encouraging us to empty ourselves, like He did, of our so-called rights.
Philippians 2:5-11 (The Message)
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
5Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. 6He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. 7Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! 8Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.
9Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, 10so that all created beings in heaven and on earth--even those long ago dead and buried--will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, 11and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.
Jesus could have laid claim to His rights as the Son of God, but He chose not to take advantage of His position, humbling Himself, taking the form of a human servant. He did this to rescue those in Rightsville. My prayer is that I would have His same attitude-that I would empty myself of my rights to pursue unity, to pursue relationships with others. My prayer is that I would learn to run on empty.
Well, blog, I know that I have not spent time with you lately. I am sorry that I have avoided you. I've been so busy that I have not had time to cultivate our relationship...too busy...will I ever not be too busy? Besides who is in control of my schedule? Don't I say yes or no. Ok, anyway, I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but I felt like so much had already gone unsaid. I know that I told you last month that we would talk some more, so I am sorry.
Enough of that. It's been weird. It's like I've had too much to blog about. I wasn't sure where to begin. So, here is what's been on my mind lately. I have become a slave to time. I have allowed myself to get over-extended. It has occurred to me that I don't have the ability to say "no"...or at least ask for help. This has always been a problem with me; I've always tried to be self-sufficient. As a result of my busyness, I have not created time for the cultivation of relationships. Why is it that I get so wrapped up in executing tasks? I am willing to put relationships on the back-burner in order to complete a task, but I am not willing to put a task on the back-burner to cultivate a relationship. It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that this is a common occurrence. What would happen if people started cutting back on the doing so that they could be in relationship? What would the church be like if people said no to task and yes to each other?
Well, there, I've broken the silence.
Well, I am finally back on the blogosphere. I am sorry that I have been silent for so long, but I have not had internet capability (very frustrating). You never really know how much you rely on something until it is no longer there. Anyway, there is much that has changed and much the Lord has been teaching me since I posted last. I will post specifics later. I just wanted to send a brief shout out (shout out? is it cool to say that anymore?) to let all of you know that I'm back...I know that you were all waiting on the edge of your seats. Well, no need to wait much longer.
 You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com |
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfuits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies (Rom. 8:22,23).
In high school I ran the 100 meters, a race that requires a responsive start as soon as the starting pistol fires. If you stumble out of the blocks or hesitate, you are sure to lose. So, as the starter barks out, "on the mark, get set..." I waited ready to explode out of the starting blocks like a shaken bottle of soda. As soon as the pistol fired, there was no hesitation, I was gone.
In the above passage, the phrase, "wait eagerly" carries a similar meaning to this. The picture is that God's children are leaning forward, hanging on every word waiting for adoption. There is a picture of this idea in the book of John:
When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathaniel asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathaniel declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." (John 1:47-49)
Nathaniel had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Messiah. Jesus saw him while he was under the fig tree. Beneath a fig tree was often a place where a ribbi would teach or study. Also, the fig tree was symbolic for messianic peace and plenty. So, it appears that Nathaniel was sitting under the fig tree thinking upon the Messiah. He was readying himself. He was in the starting blocks. When the Messiah appeared, Nathaniel was ready to follow. He began the race.
There are a couple of things that particularly stand out to me. First of all, although Nathaniel didn't know it, Jesus was watching him. Nathaniel couldn't see the Messiah, but the Messiah could see him. The Messiah was watching over Him like a shepherd does his flock. Secondly, Nathaniel was ready to move when confronted with the Messiah. His heart had been leaning forward, ready to respond.
So, waiting is really a leaning forward, hanging on every word, ready to hear from the Word. Although we do not see Him, He sees us, and at the appointed time He reveals Himself to us. If our hearts are ready, we will be ready to respond, ready to begin the race.
[Bands] don’t survive by accident. It takes will, intent, a sense of shared purpose and a tolerance for your friends' fallibilities and they of yours.
This is taken from Bruce Springsteen's induction speech that he gave for U2 on their induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As soon as I heard this line, I was floored because it sent waves to my heart that found their way to my brain, and I immediately thought to my self, "this is not only true of bands...it's also true of the community that God has placed each of us in." In reality, this is a great definition of what biblical fellowship, as I see it, looks like.
Our communities do not stay together by accident. It takes will, (His will), intent (intentionality...making time for each other), a shared purpose (joining with one another in the advancement of His kingdom...not our own), and tolerance for one another's fallibilities (forgiving one another as He has forgiven us).
Wow! We all could learn much from U2...whether you like their political views or not...whether you like their music or not. What Bruce Springsteen said is true of them. I hope that the same can be said about our churches someday!
You can read the speech here.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)
I was speaking today with another teacher, and we were talking about gaining recognition at work and winning awards. I was telling her how there is part of me that really wants to receive some kind of recognition for a job well done, but I just don't want to give up my family and work endless hours in order to receive such recognition. After I said that, her comment hit me like cold water in the face. She said, "I've got a room full of trophies, but no one to share my life with." It seemed as if I could feel the emptiness that she spoke of. From the way she said it, I knew that she was willing to trade all of her trophies in for someone to share her life with.
What trophies are we chasing? What are we treasuring...prizes or relationships? With whom are we sharing our lives?
I wonder if storing treasures in heaven means sharing our lives (fellowship/koinonia) with someone else.
Wow, I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted!!!! So much has changed.
Here's the skinny:
I just recently, within the last month, started a job at Curtis Middle School in Allen, TX, where I am teaching 8th grade English and also serving as the assistant 8th grade cheerleading coach...yes, I am coaching cheerleading! When you take over in the middle of the year, there are certain things that you inherit.
Kristi, Gracelyn, Caleb, and I are still living in Plano, serving with Apartment Life as a CARES Team at an apartment community there.
I am also still serving at Resonance as a chord weaver (musician).
God has been teaching me so much during this time of more transition, and it has been refreshing, yet difficult to move back into the "working" world. I do miss parts of working "inside" the walls of a church building...doing church-type stuff, but I believe that God has commissioned me to be more intentional about being outside those walls. So, here I am on my lunch break awaiting my 8th grade, hormone-driven students. They have recently taught me much about patience! I look forward to what they will teach me today.
I hope to get back to blogging regularly now that I have gotten accustomed to the new pace of my life.
Let me close with a blessing that I read from Paul this week in his letter to the Romans that struck a chord in my spirit:
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Rom. 15:5,6)
I like this translation of Matthew 7:6 in the Message,
"Don't be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege."
Jesus is much more than a nice saying on a sign or a sly illustration in a book. He is our mysterious Savior.
In all of our attempts to be relevant, have we reduced the mysterious to mere slogans?
Once upon a time there was a seed, but he didn’t really want to be a seed. He wanted really to be a tree. So, he began to learn everything there was to learn about trees. He read books like, The Purpose Driven Tree and The Emerging Tree. He interviewed people who had been trees for a long time whose leaves were so many there was no number that could enumerate them. He asked them questions like,
“How do you get so many leaves?” and “How do you present yourself that other leaves will want to come hang in your branches?”
He would even go and sit in the shade of some well-known trees. Many of them did a good job hiding the Sun.
As the days passed, he became frustrated because he was still a seed with no where to rest. He didn’t know what else to do. He had done everything it seemed. He had even studied all of the soil near him. Some was too hard. Some was too soft. Some was over-ridden with weeds. There were many days that he would lie down in his warm bed, take a long drink of water, and wonder if the frustration would ever end. Until one day...
IT happened.
His limbs started to grow, and his arms branched out to the forests and towns near by. As the Sun shone through his leaves, he finally realized that he never really was just a seed. He had always been a tree just in a different season of growth.
Who I am is not a reflection of what I do, but what I do is a reflection of who I am. Who I am is the reality while what I do is the reflection.
Well, Caleb is now 5 months old, and he has been sleeping through the night for just about three months now. However, this has not always been the case. It seems like not so long ago that Caleb would wake up numerous times in the middle of the night or at unscheduled times during the day. You may be thinking, “what is so wrong with that?” Well, his awake times were not pleasant because much of it was spent bouncing back and forth between crying and screaming. There were very few of the nice little serene “baby moments” that you often think of. Kristi (the best mother in the world) and I (the most clueless father ever) spent our time passing him to one another so that we could endure the screaming. You may also be thinking, “Why didn’t you just let him sleep when he wanted?” Here’s why: it was not the right time for him to sleep. We needed to teach him when it was appropriate to rest and when it was appropriate to be awake. He’s an infant he can’t just do it. He had to be taught, and since we are his parents, the responsibility fell on us. We lovingly accepted that responsibility.
You see, that is what a parent does for a child...teaches them how to rest.
That is what our Father must teach us as well.
“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures...” (Psalm 23:1)
Have you ever thought through this passage? Look at what it says here. What is “me” (the sheep) doing? What is the pasture like?
The sheep (me) is lying down. Okay, Captain Obvious, no big deal... But it isn’t the fact that the sheep is lying down it is the fact that he is lying down in green grass! He is not eating. He is not grazing. He is not moving. He is resting.
Why? The LORD is his Shepherd. He is completely comfortable in His presence. Sheep are fearful animals, and they do not easily lie down. However, because of the presence of the Shepherd, he can lie down. In fact it is this confidence in the Shepherd not himself that makes the sheep lie down. Who makes the sheep lie down? Not the sheep...the Shepherd. The sheep is not afraid!
Not only is he not afraid, but he is completely satisfied. The sheep is not in want. All of the sheep’s needs have been met, and now he can comfortably rest in the presence of his Great Shepherd. The sheep can rest assured that his Shepherd is in charge of his provision.
We all must learn to rest. It is not an easy transition because we are grazers. Like Caleb, we spend much of our time kicking and screaming because we have not learned when and how to rest. Maybe it is because of our lack of trust in our Shepherd? I know that is the case for me. So, I need the LORD...my Father...my Shepherd to continue to teach me how and when to rest.
LORD, make me lie down.
Sarah McLachlan has the right idea of service...check out the video for "World on Fire".
We all need to be reminded that there are people all across the world who need our help and prayers...may we all listen to the Lord and allow Him to teach us to look outside of our perceived difficulties and serve those in need.
Here is a wonderful teaching on the Day of Atonement.
May we all approach the throne of grace with confidence remembering what our Lord and Savior has done for us, individually and corporately.
If you go to just about any Christian bookstore, (is there really such a thing...can bookstores be redeemed?) you can find numbers of books written about the church. If you scroll back to my previous blogs, you will also note my ponderings of what the Church is. What is interesting about all of this Church talk is that just about everyone wants to reform the Church, and just about everyone has their own theory (or maybe it's just a hypothesis) on how to do such a thing...including me.
Well, here is a news flash. We cannot, nor will we ever reform the Church.
Why?
Because here is what the Church is not. The Church is not ours. We are not the head of the Church. Jesus is the head of the Church (Eph. 1:22; 4:15; 5:22...). When we attempt to change or reform the Church, we take ownership of it. Maybe we (we, including me) should stop trying to reform the Church and allow God, through the Spirit to reform us. We can sit and debate what the Church is to do, who it is to be reaching, and how often it is to meet. However, debating is not worshipping...honoring...glorifying...edifying. We (again including me) should cease this debate about what the Church is and start living in submission to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. We should start living lives of obedience to our Master and Savior. In other words, it is time to shut up. It is time to live...serve...devote...commune...love. Let's start being the Church instead of talking about it...trying to get it right.
So, what is the Church? It is a bunch (community, family, gathering) of sinners, trying to hear the still, small whisper of the One whom it serves.
That's all.
You got my back? 
Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite? Great movie!!!! As I was watching it (for the second time) last week, one scene particularly struck me. After Napoleon and his brother return from a karate class, Napoleon is at school talking to his new friend Pedro. As they are sitting in the bleachers during their P.E. class, Napoleon asks Pedro, "Do you got my back?" The first time I saw this scene, I just laughed; however, the second time something clicked. That question was what Napoleon desired deeply...it was what he needed most. He needed someone to get his back.
It is also what the Church needs today.
One of the problems that exists in the Church today that is birthed out of how we live our lives is that the desire for independence is growing. Independence essentially says that it is my responsibility to meet my needs...to serve myself. However, it seems to me that this is diametrically opposed to what God desires of the Church. He wants us to be dependent upon one another. Being dependent upon each other is about realizing that this being involved in community thing isn't just about my gifts and my desires. It is about using my gifts to serve someone else. It is about setting aside my desire for the benefit of the community. It is about laying aside myself for the benefit of someone else.
When we depend on one another, we realize that I have your back, and you have my back. Thus, the Church really is about getting one another's back.
This idea is exemplified by Jesus when He says, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).
Paul also tells us in Galatians 5:13 to serve one another in love.
When I have your back and you have my back, we look out for each other, serve each other, intercede for each other, love each other.
So, let all of us stop trying to get our own backs and start looking for someone else's back to get.
Some thoughts if I may...some days it seems like church is just man organized at a mediocre attempt to achieve "encouragement" while subconciously seeking comfort in numbers, acceptance here on earth, "paying back" some of what God has given us. Those will continuously see church pessimistically because they will never find those things in a church, subconsciously or consciously. Those are to be provided by God alone, maybe through a church or maybe not. BUT...if we can see what church as we know it today evolved from, then church should be a coming together of people of like hearts with a desire to see God lifted up and exalted, corporately doing just that, then man's heart finds encouragement. Jesus, when lifted up, will draw all men unto him. So who is it for? God. Who benefits: saved and unsaved alike.
--Craig Sims
Craig, thank you so much for your input. Man, my heart is always warmed by what you have to say! First of all let me say with I agree with what you have to say about those who are seeking for comfort in numbers, acceptance here on earth, and "paying back" what God has given will always see church pessimistically.
We shouldn't seek comfort in numbers...we should seek comfort from the Comforter whether numbers are large or small. We should not expect complete acceptance here on earth even from our brothers and sisters in the faith because we are sinful and sin scars relationships. How could we ever "pay back" what God has done for us? That is completely impossible and borders on arrogant. We are forever indebted to Him!
It seems so often today, there is so much disdain for "the church." When in actuality the church is only a reflection of the hearts of the people. Thus, when we complain against the church, are we not also making some accusation against ourselves. There needs to be much more respect for the church.
I also think it would help to see the where the church evolved from. This will help us get a Biblical perspective of the church as opposed to a buffet (all I can eat) perspective. Here are some things I see biblical in regards to the church, taking from the points you made.
a coming together
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Heb. 10:19-25)
It is not completely clear why there were some who were giving up meeting together, but we do know that the writer of Hebrews strongly warns them not to take up the practice of failing to come together. When we come together, we have the opportunity to enter into the most holy place together. We have the opportunity to share in the hope we profess together. We have the opporunity to spur one another on toward love and good deeds. We have the opportunity to encourage one another...especially because the Day is approaching. It is true that each individual is the church, but each of us is a part of the body as well. When we come together the body is complete. I could not imagine what it would be like if I saw an arm just hanging around at the grocery store one day. That is what it looks like when we do not gather together. We are only part of what God has called us to be.
of people of like hearts
All the believers were together and had everything in common. (Acts 2:44)
This is what the church was founded upon. Everyone had like hearts. It really wasn't based upon similar political views or similar interpretations of the gifts of the Spirit...it was based upon the fact that they gathered together because they shared in the mission of God...to extend His kingdom to those who were imprisoned by and dying in their sin. Thus, having everything in common has mostly to do with exalting Jesus.
exalting Jesus
But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself. (John 12:32)
It is interesting to me Craig, that you referred to this verse. I have thought much about this verse and how it relates to what the church is to do. What is it that Jesus is referring to here? Verse 33 tells us that this is in reference to the crucifixion. What a weird way to describe exaltation. In Jesus's view him being exalted was him being crucified. That is not at all what we think of when we think of exaltation. How does this apply to the church? Can it even apply to the church? I think it can. Here's why. First of all, the crucifixion is offensive; therefore, many churches today do not want to have a cross in their sanctuary for fear of offending. Furthermore, it is rarely mentioned because there is a fear that it will scare someone away. We cannot hide from the reality of the cross! It is ugly. It is offensive. But remembering the cross and what Jesus did is part of exalting Him. When we lift Him up on the cross. It speaks of His service, His surrender, His submission, and eventually to His resurrection. It speaks of HIM!!!! As Brennan Manning refers to it...it is His signature. When the church exalts Jesus, it does draw men to Himself...not the opposite.
Craig, thank you again for your input. My comments are only my reflections at this time. I do not want to give the impression that I know it all. In fact that is why I am even working through this series of blogs. I know very little about the church...I want to know more!
Here are some other passages that I am looking at in regards to the church:
-Acts 2:42-46
-Acts 20:7
-1 Cor. 11:18
-1 Cor. 14:26-40
-Eph. 4:11-12