Just Thinking

The past is a point of reference, not a point of residence.

hmmm... interesting

I met with a group of guys this morning at a Starbucks in McKinney. This was our first meeting, with many more to come hopefully. Like any of the other first time meetings, this one was spent with us getting to know one another. So, today, I had the opportunity to listen to the story of one of the guys. He told us about a time that he came near to death after getting stabbed 8 times. As he was telling the story, I looked down at his right arm and noticed a huge scar. He explained how the wound that preceded the scar was so wide that the doctors couldn't even sew it together initially. They had to let it heal some before they could repair it. Now, there is no wound, only a scar. His wound has healed.

Thinking of his scar, reminds me of my own. I have scars like this guy. However, mine aren't visible. I've got huge scars where deep emotional wounds USED to be. The truth is that these wounds aren't there anymore. They are scars. A scar is not a reminder of the wound. It really is a reminder of healing. You see my wounds have been healed. The scars tell the story of how I've been healed. Yes, the wound is a part of this healing process, but the wounds are gone. They have been healed. I've got scars to remind me of this healing.

I'm reminded also of the Savior whose wounds were both physical and emotional. His wounds like my new friend's and mine were deep. The shouts of the crowds, the betrayal by those whom He loved, wounded Him deeply. The nails pierced his body completely. He knows my friend's pain. He knows my pain. He knows your pain. However, the Truth is that He's no longer wounded. You can no longer see His wounds anymore. He's been healed, so that you and I can be healed. How do I know this?

He's got scars.

Caleb WILL NOT stay in his bed!!!!! Every night, we rehearse the same conversation:

Daddy: Caleb, are you going to stay in your big boy bed?

Caleb: Yes, Daddy

Daddy: Are you going to get up?

Caleb: No, Daddy

So, I walk out of his room, confident that he will keep his word...yes, he's only 2...all 2 year olds keep their word! About ten minutes pass and I hear something coming from the hallway. So, when I get to the hall, what do I see? My son. Lying in the hallway. Yes, the same sone who gave me his word that he would stay in his bed...his "big boy" bed. So, in response to this teachable moment, I decide to help my son understand boundaries. When we do not respect the boundaries we have been given, the boundaries must become more strict. With this in mind, I place him in his pack-n-play to sleep, so that he will not be able to get up.

Problem solved...not really.

About fifteen minutes pass by, and I go to check on Caleb in his room, only to find him asleep on the floor by his door! I sit with him, angrily, on his bed and try to reason with him (yes, he's 2 years old) about why it is important that he stay in his bed.

How frustrating!

It occured to me today that he really doesn't trust what I say. Part of the reason that he gets out of bed is because he is afraid of the sound of the air conditioner. Although I tell him that he doesn't need to fear, he doesn't really trust me, so he tries to deal with the issue the best way he knows how...by himself.

In Psalm 23, David says, "The LORD is my shepherd...He makes me lie down in green pastures." David here is using the metaphor of a sheep and a shepherd to describe the relationship between people and the LORD. Sheep are very nervous animals, always grazing, always afraid of what may be around the corner. However, in this psalm, David says that the LORD (the shepherd) makes him (the sheep) lie down. Sheep only lie down when they are completely provided for. They only lie down when they trust their shepherd to take care of them.

I'm not much different from Caleb. I often reassure the LORD that I will stay in my "big boy" bed, trusting Him completely. However, when I get afraid, I get up and try to deal with the issue myself. However, it always puts me in a place that He never intended me to be.

I never intend for my son to sleep on the floor. I want him to get the rest that I know he needs. But, until he REALLY trusts that I will take care of him, he will never get the rest that he needs.

The LORD never intends for me to sleep on the floor of my fear. He wants me to trust Him, rest in His provision, rest assured that He is taking care of me.

So, LORD, today I will try to stay in my "big boy" bed and lie down in the green pasture of Your provision.

I am right. Let's just get that straight right from the beginning. When it comes to Eschatology, I'm right. When it comes to the gifts of the Spirit, I'm right. When it comes to the role of women in ministry, I'm right. When it comes to a "style" of "worship"...whatever that is, I'm right.

Ok, now that we have that straight, who cares. Now, I'm not de-valuing the importance of knowing doctrine and Theology. However, it seems to me that much of my time as a seminary graduate has been spent trying to prove myself right to myself and to others. Whenever I am able to answer someone correctly or make a point that "stumps" them, I feel good about myself...hmmm, that is what Jesus taught us anyway, wasn't it? Blessed are those who are right, for they will know all of the answers, and the answers will set them free.

As of now, I am relinquishing my right to be right.

I was reading a selection from Michael Card's book, A Sacred Sorrow. A book in which he encourages followers of the Christ to lament because lament is a language of worship. One of the examples he uses is that of Job. In the section I was reading this morning, he poses a question where he asks, "who was right." Job? Elihu? Then he goes on to say that being right really isn't the issue. Job's trials were not about being right. They were about being obedient. That's the issue, and I agree with him. I mean, what if I get all of the "answers" correct, but I am disobedient. Does it really matter?

It reminds me of a conversation I was having with a wonderful friend of mine, a man who has constantly challenged me to pursue Jesus. He said to me one time, "The bible is not my final authority." My first thought was HERESY! What do you mean? How can you be a follower of Jesus and not follow the bible as your final authority. As we continued to dialogue, he explained himself, saying that Jesus was his final authority and that the bible revealed who Jesus was...that Jesus is the Word. This subtle distinction may not seem apparent to you as it didn't to me initially either. But, in our Protestant society, we have elevated the bible to a position of diety. We worship what it says, not who it draws us to.

The bible reveals the Word. It is not the Word. Jesus is not a book. He is a person. He is God. He is a redeemer. He is a giver of the Spirit who reveals the Truth.

So, what do these two issues have to do with one another...the issue of being right and the issue of the bible?

I want to learn how to be obedient to the Father as Jesus was. I want to walk in the Truth. I don't just want to have some answers from a book.

If my faith is only a series of RIGHT answers, then it is only a game show. However, if my faith is evidenced by obedience...faith with works...then it is a Way of Life where I pursue the Truth. Jesus.

My fence lies broken in my yard. What a mess! It used to be a strong fence, atleast that what all the neighbors thought. What they didn't know was that it was falling apart, and all it took was for stormy winds to come and blow it down. This is exactly what happened, and now I can't hide how broken it is. I need a new fence. However new fences take resources; they take skill to build. The good news is that the resources have been provided in a way I never counted on, and I have found skillful wood-workers to build the fence. Here comes the new fence! It will be better than the one before. It will be able to stand storms that the other one couldn't.

I too have spent the last few months lying broken. Prior to October of this year, what many people didn't know was that I too was falling apart, like my fence. I had been trying to avoid some hurts (both from others and from myself); I was spent. Then, came October. I abruptly resigned from my position at a church where I was serving, leaving relationships in ruins. There were multiple reasons for doing this, which I don't want to elaborate at this time. Suffice it to say, this experience left me in a dark and damaged place, and it was impossible to hide my pain any longer.

The next few months were some of the most difficult that I have ever had. I felt like such an immense failure. I had no emotional resources left. What I did not know was that the LORD was in the process of rebuilding. He had the resources. He was the skilled wood-worker who was going to rebuild my life so that it would be stronger than it was before.

There will be more storms; I'm sure of it! However, because of this experience, I have learned that the LORD is a wonderful builder, and He has made me stronger to endure the next storms that come, reminding me that it is not my strength that holds me up.

In the same way a fence is only as strong as the skill of the builders, so it is true with the LORD. He is an incredibly skillful builder, and because of that, I will stand firm, trusting the Mender of fences.

I enjoy taking my children to the pool. My daughter loves the water and has recently become more of a swimmer, so much so, that she no longer has to wear a flotation device. However, my son must wear floaties because he cannot swim. He is no tall enough to stand up in the water, nor is he strong enough to keep himself afloat without some kind of assistance. However, I am a grown man who can easily support himself in the depths. I can swim out to the deep part of the pool with no assitance needed and keep myself afloat without any assistance.

I was thinking today, however, how absurd it would look if I were to put on a pair of those orange inflatable arm floaties with pictures of happy fish all over them and stay on the shallow end of the pool and play "Marco Polo" with all of the children. If you were at the pool what would you think?

The truth is that, spiritually speaking, there is a majority of us who are doing just that. We are hanging out in the shallow end of the spiritual pool with all of the children. We are wearing our little floaties, calling out "Marco" listening for all of the other children to say, "Polo". It's not that the shallow end is a bad place to be. It isn't at all. It's safe there; it's warmer there; it's where we have fond memories. God has called us to go deeper though. Swimming in the deeper water requires that we be stronger. It requires that we use muscles that we never would have used if we had stayed in the shallow end.

Ok...enough nonsense, let me get to the point. There are too many Christians who are comfortable with superficiality. There are too many shallow Christians, myself included. God has called us to move on, to go deeper. The writer of Hebrews reminds us of this in chapter 6.

He says, "1Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, 2instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. 3And God permitting, we will do so."

We must move on. It is time to stop sitting in some sanctuary somewhere with our floaties on while someone else does the swimming for us. Now, I'm not saying that those who sit in sanctuaries are shallow. I'm saying as long as we are not willing to go deeper with God, we remain shallow. Unless we allow Him to speak to the depths of our hearts, we will remain shallow. As long as Jesus remains solely a man or a good prophet or just our friend, he cannot be our Lord. We must go deeper.

Richard Foster hit the nail on the head when he said in his book, Celebration of Discipline, "Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a spiritual problem."

God has called us to go deeper. We must swim out to the depths if we are going to use the spiritual muscles that God called us to use. Most importantly if we are to trust Him truly we must deflate the floaties and lean on Him as He takes us to a deeper relationship with Himself through Jesus Christ.

"I had rather exercise faith than know the definition thereof"-Thomas a' Kempis.

I have studied theology for a number of years, and I am not certain what a good definition of faith really is. I can't elaborate it. However, I can see it, have seen it, and praise God for it!

I have two new friends, Frank and Erica. Frank and Erica gave their lives to our Lord and Savior, Jesus about two months ago. I have often been impressed with the voracity that they have pursued Him. However, now I am even more impressed and encouraged. Today at about 11 am Erica will be having a very risky surgery. Doctors are hoping to repair a "pseudo-aneurysm" near her brain that is significantly limiting the blood supply to her brain. As I spent time with Frank and Erica last night I was impressed with their faith. It was not a faith that speaks "faith-type" words out loud but mutters fear below the surface. Theirs was a faith completely in God. Don't get me wrong. I know they are afraid, but I also know that they trust in who God is in the midst of not being certain of what He will do. The Lord gave me a picture of this last night.

My dog Shadow is afraid of storms. In fact, she is so afraid that if left alone she leaves a path of destruction. This happened this past weekend. It was a deluge outside and Shadow was in the garage. She completely tore up the molding on the door to the house and broke the garage door sensor trying to escape. So, finally when I let her in the house, the first place she ran was under my feet. She felt secure there. She was safe. The storm did not end when she was under my feet. She did not know when the storm would end, but she knew who I was and that I cared for her.

Frank and Erica have spent time in the garage. They have fought. They have wept. Yet, the storm has raged on. Now, however, they have come into His house and sat beneath the feet of the master. They are secure there. They are safe there. While the storm for them continues to rage on, and they are not sure when it will end, they know who He is and that He cares for them.

I am not sure how to define faith, but that is what it looks like in action.

Praise God for the faith of Frank and Erica!

The story behind the song.

Thanks Len.

You are a Mystic, known for your imaginative, intuitive spirituality. You value peace, harmony, and inner silence. Mystics are nurtured by walking alone in the woods or sitting quietly with a trusted friend. You may also enjoy poetry, meditation, wordless prayer, candles, art, books, and anything else that helps you connect with God.

Mystics experience God best through rich images and symbols. You are contemplative, introspective, intuitive, and focused on an inner world as real to you as the exterior one. Hearing from God is more important to you than speaking to God. Others may attribute human characteristics to God, but you see God as ineffable, unnamable, and more vast than any known category. You are intrigued by God's mystery.

Mystics want to inspire and persuade others, and need to live lives of significance. At times you push the envelope of spirituality, helping the rest of us imagine who we might become if we followed your lead.

Sometimes you may feel a bit guilty about your need for solitude and silence. If so, you probably have bought into the American myth that says being alone and doing nothing is lazy, antisocial, and unproductive. Stop it -- now. Give yourself permission to retreat and be alone. It's essential for your well-being.

On the other hand, don't get so carried away retreating that you become a recluse. That only deprives the world of your gifts and deprives you of the lessons that come from being with others. Some Mystics may have a true vocation for solitary prayer, but the rest of you need to alternate retreat time with involvement and interaction.

Spiritual Type Test

Well, I'm not too sure why I'm posting because I don't really want to. In fact these days I don't want to do much of anything. I am tired. I am burned out. I am weak. I am an oxymoron...or maybe just a moron :). I have been overcome with struggles lately. Without going into specific detail, let's just say that the enemy continues to prowl around me like a roaring lion, waiting to devour me. There are parts of me that want to shoot him, engage him, vanquish him. However, I don't have the strength. There are parts of me that want to give up, lie down, be over-taken. I don't want to be overly negative, but I don't want to be fraudulently positive either. I am struggling. I want to stop...get out of this funk. But I don't know how. I don't know if I really want to get out of it. I pray that God would guard my heart right now because I don't have the strength to. I pray that God would join me with others who struggle because I don't know if I could take the condemnation of those who don't, or at least don't admit to it.

Please forgive the self-pity. At this point, I'm bathing in it, and it's warm...dirty...but warm.

Here are a couple of things I've written over the last few months.

Fast Pace:
Empty spaces
On crowded faces
Where will you walk?

Tainted traces
Of all God's graces
Too tired to talk

Stop.
Rest.
From life's listless races.

Here's another one written while waiting for my flight at Dallas Love Field.

Gate Six:
Gate six
Just tasted my caffeine fix
Yea, I'm awake,
But is that what it takes
To see
To read
Between the lines
of the signs of the times?
To write
To weave
Lines with simple rhymes?
Is it me
Or just the caffeine?

"Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I don’t know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels"

Ok...nothing like taking something out of context to prove a point....please forgive me. In 1977, Jackson Browne released the album, "Running on Empty", and on that album, the title track, by the same name appeared. Although, Jackson Browne did not intend, at least I think, to make the point that I want to make at this point, but what I am going to say does seem crazy according to the wisdom of this world.

As the road rushes beneath our wheels, one of the places that many of us stop is "Rightsville". Rightsville has a large population, but no one else believes that anyone else exists there because everyone only cares about "one", forsaking "any" and "every". Rightsville is defended by the army of oneself, defeating those who tread on someone else's individual liberties.

I know this place because I own a home there. In fact I often stop there wandering through the streets of my accomplishments, degrees, status, and rights. However, I have found that Rightsville is a lonely place.

Jesus knew the danger of visiting a place like Rightsville. In fact, He encourages us to move out of Rightsville, encouraging us to empty ourselves, like He did, of our so-called rights.

Philippians 2:5-11 (The Message)

The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

5Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. 6He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. 7Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! 8Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.

9Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, 10so that all created beings in heaven and on earth--even those long ago dead and buried--will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, 11and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.

Jesus could have laid claim to His rights as the Son of God, but He chose not to take advantage of His position, humbling Himself, taking the form of a human servant. He did this to rescue those in Rightsville. My prayer is that I would have His same attitude-that I would empty myself of my rights to pursue unity, to pursue relationships with others. My prayer is that I would learn to run on empty.

Well, blog, I know that I have not spent time with you lately. I am sorry that I have avoided you. I've been so busy that I have not had time to cultivate our relationship...too busy...will I ever not be too busy? Besides who is in control of my schedule? Don't I say yes or no. Ok, anyway, I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but I felt like so much had already gone unsaid. I know that I told you last month that we would talk some more, so I am sorry.

Enough of that. It's been weird. It's like I've had too much to blog about. I wasn't sure where to begin. So, here is what's been on my mind lately. I have become a slave to time. I have allowed myself to get over-extended. It has occurred to me that I don't have the ability to say "no"...or at least ask for help. This has always been a problem with me; I've always tried to be self-sufficient. As a result of my busyness, I have not created time for the cultivation of relationships. Why is it that I get so wrapped up in executing tasks? I am willing to put relationships on the back-burner in order to complete a task, but I am not willing to put a task on the back-burner to cultivate a relationship. It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that this is a common occurrence. What would happen if people started cutting back on the doing so that they could be in relationship? What would the church be like if people said no to task and yes to each other?

Well, there, I've broken the silence.

Well, I am finally back on the blogosphere. I am sorry that I have been silent for so long, but I have not had internet capability (very frustrating). You never really know how much you rely on something until it is no longer there. Anyway, there is much that has changed and much the Lord has been teaching me since I posted last. I will post specifics later. I just wanted to send a brief shout out (shout out? is it cool to say that anymore?) to let all of you know that I'm back...I know that you were all waiting on the edge of your seats. Well, no need to wait much longer.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 88% Fundamentalist 69% Postmodernist 50% Romanticist 50% Modernist 19% Existentialist 13% Idealist 13% Materialist 6% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfuits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies (Rom. 8:22,23).

In high school I ran the 100 meters, a race that requires a responsive start as soon as the starting pistol fires. If you stumble out of the blocks or hesitate, you are sure to lose. So, as the starter barks out, "on the mark, get set..." I waited ready to explode out of the starting blocks like a shaken bottle of soda. As soon as the pistol fired, there was no hesitation, I was gone.

In the above passage, the phrase, "wait eagerly" carries a similar meaning to this. The picture is that God's children are leaning forward, hanging on every word waiting for adoption. There is a picture of this idea in the book of John:

When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathaniel asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathaniel declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." (John 1:47-49)

Nathaniel had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Messiah. Jesus saw him while he was under the fig tree. Beneath a fig tree was often a place where a ribbi would teach or study. Also, the fig tree was symbolic for messianic peace and plenty. So, it appears that Nathaniel was sitting under the fig tree thinking upon the Messiah. He was readying himself. He was in the starting blocks. When the Messiah appeared, Nathaniel was ready to follow. He began the race.

There are a couple of things that particularly stand out to me. First of all, although Nathaniel didn't know it, Jesus was watching him. Nathaniel couldn't see the Messiah, but the Messiah could see him. The Messiah was watching over Him like a shepherd does his flock. Secondly, Nathaniel was ready to move when confronted with the Messiah. His heart had been leaning forward, ready to respond.

So, waiting is really a leaning forward, hanging on every word, ready to hear from the Word. Although we do not see Him, He sees us, and at the appointed time He reveals Himself to us. If our hearts are ready, we will be ready to respond, ready to begin the race.

[Bands] don’t survive by accident. It takes will, intent, a sense of shared purpose and a tolerance for your friends' fallibilities and they of yours.

This is taken from Bruce Springsteen's induction speech that he gave for U2 on their induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As soon as I heard this line, I was floored because it sent waves to my heart that found their way to my brain, and I immediately thought to my self, "this is not only true of bands...it's also true of the community that God has placed each of us in." In reality, this is a great definition of what biblical fellowship, as I see it, looks like.

Our communities do not stay together by accident. It takes will, (His will), intent (intentionality...making time for each other), a shared purpose (joining with one another in the advancement of His kingdom...not our own), and tolerance for one another's fallibilities (forgiving one another as He has forgiven us).

Wow! We all could learn much from U2...whether you like their political views or not...whether you like their music or not. What Bruce Springsteen said is true of them. I hope that the same can be said about our churches someday!

You can read the speech here.